


John Egbert: Paranormal Investigator

by RhayFalkCross



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Alternate Universe, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-01-05
Updated: 2012-04-10
Packaged: 2017-10-28 23:45:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 29,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/313490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RhayFalkCross/pseuds/RhayFalkCross
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Egbert runs a business as a Paranormal Investigator. To absolutely no one's surprise, he's terrible at it. Dave Strider woke up a changed man after a mysterious accident and seeks John with the hope that he can help him piece together what happened. He never imagined he'd want to stick around.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In Which Red Eyes Meet Blue

He looked down at the business card in his hand, squinting through his shades as he checked it for the umpteenth time in the dim light of the hallway.

John Egbert: Paranormal Investigator  
Windy Apartments Room 413  
Shade Street  
Seattle, Washington  
Email: ghostytrickster@yahoo.com

            The address was right, but this dingy building didn’t have the appearance of any sort of professional business. Still, it wasn’t as though he had much of a choice, he had exhausted all his other options. Reaching out a tentative hand, he rang the doorbell and stepped back to wait.

            The face that greeted him when the door opened was even more unexpected than the building. Far from looking like a hard boiled investigator, the man before him was short, tiny even, with messy black hair and enormous electric blue eyes framed by square black frames. His face was youthful and his frame was painfully thin, but his buck-toothed smile was full of a deep enthusiasm for life.

            “You’re John Egbert?”

            “The one and only! How can I help you?” John stuck his hand out and he grasped it, pumping once firmly.

            “Dave Strider, I was told you might be able to fix me.”

            “Come right on in and make yourself at home.”

            Dave entered the small living space cautiously, eyes scanning the room for any potential threats. To his surprise, the inside was even shittier than the outside. The apartment was one large rectangle, half devoted to a small kitchenette and a battered dining room table and half taken up by a mattress laid on the bare floor with several ratty blankets piled on top. The one remotely decent looking thing in the place was the laptop perched on an enormous pile of books next to the sleeping area. There were two doors; one, slightly ajar, revealed a closet stuffed with various brightly patterned sweaters and a number of jeans in various states of disrepair, the other seemed to lead to a bathroom.

            John offered him a seat at the kitchen table and retrieved two beers from the fridge, offering one to Dave while twisting the cap off the other and taking a large swig. He couldn’t believe the skinny male was old enough to buy alcohol, but it wasn’t as though he were the kid’s mother. He opened his own beer and took a swig; it tasted like piss and reminded him forcibly of the kind his brother used to drink. He pushed the thought away.

            “Nice digs.” Dave drawled, face passive.

            “Thanks! The rent is low and the utilities aren’t bad.” John seemed to have no grasp on the concept of sarcasm. “Now, what did you say your problem was?”

            This is where he ran into trouble. He had no idea where to start, and even if he could make the words come, it was unlikely that the man-child rocking back and forth on his heels in front of him would believe the tale.

            “Go ahead!”John urged, “I haven’t had a new case in ages, this is so exciting!”

            The blue eyed man seemed to be completely sincere, and somehow, it was reassuring. It gave Dave the confidence to speak.

            “I was in an accident, I think. Fuck, honestly I can’t remember, I may have been drunk. But I woke up in the hospital; doctors said I had been pronounced dead at the scene. I had a goddamn broken neck, but then in the ambulance I just woke up. A few days later I got in a fight, the asshole pulled a knife and I got slashed pretty badly. Next morning, though, I was completely fine.” Dave paused, trying to decide how to put the next part. John was gazing at him with wide eyes, completely enthralled.

“I… I can’t…. die. Or be injured really? I mean, I can and it fucking hurts like a bitch, but it’s not permanent. I heal faster than I should. And, well, after the accident I woke up like…” Instead of trying to continue, he pushed back his hood and removed his glasses.

            John gasped, and scooted closer to peer at the newly revealed snow-white hair and burning red eyes.

            “I’ve never seen anything like this,” the investigator murmured thoughtfully. “So you can’t die at all, or you can die and you come back?”

            “The second one, I guess. I haven’t really had the urge to test it, been too busy flipping the hell out. I’m sure you understand.” John chuckled at that. Dave would never admit it, but the scrutinization of his mutated hair and eyes was making him slightly uncomfortable and the smaller man’s laughter put him somewhat at ease.

            “So you’re like Jack Harkness, man that is so cool!”

            “Shit, I was immortal before it was cool, Harkness made it so mainstream.”

            “Were you really?! What was the Revolutionary War like?”

            “I was kidding. This happened like, a month ago.”

            “Oh… of course. So you don’t normally look like this?”

            “What the hell do you think? I used to be _blonde_ my eyes were _brown_ , now I look like some cheap Twilight fanboy.”

            John laughed again and Dave found that he rather liked the sound. He watched as John scooped up his laptop and collapsed on his bed before beginning to type away. The taller man observed him as he worked, noticing the way his tongue poked out of the side of his mouth and his eyebrows scrunched in the middle while he was thinking. The overall effect was rather precious.

            After several long minutes of silence, John spoke.

            “I have some good news and some bad news. Which first?”

            “Bad news, always.”

            “Kay, bad news is that I have no idea what’s causing all… this.” He waved a hand vaguely in Dave’s direction. “The good news is that I know someone who might be able to help. She’s a doctor!”

            “What kind of shady-ass back alley quack treats shit like this?”

            “You’ll like her! She’s basically the most brilliant person I’ve ever met, helped me out of more than one bad situation. Her name’s Rose Lalonde.”


	2. In Which A Back Alley Quack Exhibits Class

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys. You. Guys.  
> I could NEVER have imagined the positive feedback I've been getting for this and I am SO GLAD everyone is into this idea. So, thank you from the bottom of my webcomic saturated heart, I will definitely be continuing the story.

Dave followed John down a dark, too-narrow alley. There were no words to describe how uncomfortable he was with this whole scenario; at any second he expected to be set upon by cracked out prostitutes or dragged off by gang bangers. It didn’t help matters that the blue eyed man had decided that the only things he needed to bring as protection were a bunch of ancient looking books and a single large hammer. Dave would have felt much more comfortable with an armful of large swords.

            “John? Jooooohn, I’m too pretty to be in a place like this. Do you always take girls here on the first date?” He whispered, creeping closer to the investigator as they rounded a corner.

            “Relax, Dave, we’re almost there. Gosh, I wouldn’t have pegged your for such a chicken!” John snickered. His mouth opened, a response at the ready, but they were already in front of a nondescript door. Without bothering to knock or announce his presence in any way at all, John threw open the door and waltzed in, Strider just behind him.

            The inside was surprisingly welcoming; a spacious room occupied by a professional looking desk and a metal examination table like the kind Dave had seen in the doctor’s office as a child. He was struck by how much purple could assault his eyes at one time, somehow everything was a variant of that single color and it was both incredibly tacky and strangely impressive. So distracted was the red-eyed male that he didn’t realize John was talking. He tuned in just in time to hear the introductions.

            “Rose, this is my new, um, friend? His name is Dave and he as a special kind of problem.” Egbert gave the elegant blonde woman standing next to him a conspiratorial wink. There was something oddly familiar about her, and the feeling was both unsettling and reassuring.

            “Fuck, don’t say it like that. You make it sound like an STD or some shit.” Dave recovered his cool, strolling over to shake the woman’s hand. “Dave Strider; sex god, mix-master extraordinaire, swordplay expert, and most recently, freakish albino. Pleasure to meet you, Miss…?”

            “Lalonde. But please, call me Rose. I like to keep a casual relationship with my patients whenever possible. Take a seat please, Dave. Can I call you Dave?” Rose directed him to the lavender examination table before he had a chance to respond, let alone get his bearings. His unorthodox greeting hadn’t fazed her in the slightest; far from it, Dave had been thrown off by her nonchalance. This would not do.

            “You can call me whatever you like, sweet tits.” He raised his eyebrows as suggestively as he could. John snorted and blushed furiously, but Lalonde kept her cool.

            “I would ask that you don’t move so much while I’m trying to assess your condition.”  She said mildly, shining a light into each of his eyes. “Say ‘ah’.”

            Before he could get out a witty remark she shoved a tongue depressor into his mouth and used it to lever his jaw open. Dave fought the urge to cough and glared at the woman’s smug grin. The rest of the exam passed with relative ease, he was smarter than to push this Lalonde broad while he was at the mercy of her skills as a “doctor”. She listened to his heart, tested his reflexes, and asked him about family illness and prior injuries. Then she deviated from the beaten path.

            “Have you been anywhere strange lately? Or interacted with someone that struck you as odd?”

            “No to both. Unless you count Ebert over there, that kid’s as odd as they come.” Strider smirked in the direction of the beaming buck toothed smile.

            “Very humorous, indeed. Alright, Dave, you can get up now. Take a seat if you like; I’ll need a moment to look over a few things.”

            He wandered over to sit next to John, who immediately started chattering into his ear.

            “Can you really fight with swords? I mean, that’s a pretty rad strife specibus. I got stuck with hammerkind as a kid, a big mistake. But after I started the Paranormal Investigation business I started using runes to augment my hammers. It’s way better now. Wanna see?”

            “Hell yes I want to see. I want to see with such vigor, Egbert, it’s practically indecent.”

            “Wow, that made no sense…. But okay.” The skinny male pulled a blue Crayola marker from his back pocket, uncapped it, and began to scribble strange designs on his hammer. Dave watched as he finished a particularly bold shape, two wavy lines, one on top of the other. The hammer glowed for a brief instant before the light faded, along with the symbols leaving it seemingly ordinary. Still, he could feel a sort of strength emanating from the tool.

            “I’ll be damned, I’m actually impressed.” Dave said, eyebrows raised. John made a noise, halfway between a squeak and a giggle, which sounded suspiciously like “gnee.” It was a noise that Strider associated with babies and puppies, but somehow it suited Ebert perfectly.

            “Dave, John, your attention please?” Rose was sitting behind her desk, staring at her computer as though double checking something before turning to gaze at them intensely. It was only now that Strider noticed her eyes were a bright amethyst. Maybe he wasn’t the only freak in the room.

            “What’s up, Rose?”

            “I’ve done some research and spoken to a few of my contacts. Although I don’t know exactly what’s causing Dave’s mutation, I can say with some confidence that timing of the accident he mentioned coincides with the appearance of a rift in the fabric of our dimension. I can’t say for sure if the two are related, but it is possible.”

            “You wanna run that by me again?” Dave asked, looking dubiously at the blonde, who was standing now, pacing the room and gesturing slightly.

            “I have an acquaintance who resides in Huston, where you said you are from, correct? This acquaintance specializes in, shall we say, the scientific aspect of the paranormal. She has developed the technology to detect when any sort of anomaly occurs that might allow a being of “otherworldly” origin to cross into our plane of existence. According to her devices, such an anomaly took place around the same time you had your accident, in the very city you resided in at the time. I’m suggesting that the two were related.”

            “Right... That sounds one hundred percent believable; I will completely take your word for it.”

            “Woah, rude! Don’t be like that Dave! Did you ever think you’d have super-healing powers? I bet not!” John’s positive attitude hadn’t dropped in the slightest. If anything, he seemed _more_ excited. “This could be the biggest case I’ve ever had! And maybe we can find out how to fix you.”

            As much as he loathed to admit it, John had a point. Dave still hadn’t quite wrapped his head around everything Rose had proposed, but at least they had a direction to go in. Compared to a few hours ago when he’d shown up on John’s doorstep, he was doing fucking fantastically.

            “This acquaintance of yours, is she reliable?” He finally asked, deciding to roll with the theory for now.

            “Jade Harley is one of the most reliable people I have ever met, but you can judge for yourself tomorrow when she gets here. She’s invited herself to Seattle in order to participate in the investigation, and frankly we’d be fortunate to have her assistance.”


	3. In Which Old Scars Are Bared

The two males trudged their way back to John’s apartment in relative silence. Only when they arrived on the doorstep did John ask “Do you have somewhere to stay? You’re new in town, so I understand if you’re worried about finding somewhere.”

            “I’ve got it handled.” Dave replied, purposely dodging the question. Unfortunately, “Investigator” wasn’t just at title and Egbert caught on immediately.

            “Where?” He demanded. Strider racked his brains for a name, any name, of any hotel chain. He threw out the first one he could think of.

            “La Quinta.”

            “Lair, there’s not a La Quinta within an hour of here.”

            “I… drove.”

            “Dave, just tell me. Do you have somewhere to stay?”

            “My car, okay?” it came out more harshly than he had meant it to, but John didn’t seem offended. On the contrary, he was smiling again.

            “Why didn’t you just say so? Look, you can stay with me while we solve your case.” For a brief instant, a look of horror flashed across the young face as he realized what he had said, before he quickly stammered out. “I-I mean, if you want to. I would totally understand if you didn’t. I’m a total stranger so that might be weird.”  

            “Are you sure you don’t mind? I mean, no offense, but you’re place isn’t exactly spacious.” And with those words John was back to his normally enthused self.

            “Of course not! It’ll be like a real life sleepover.”

            Internally, Dave thought that those words were the saddest thing he ever heard get said. “A real life sleepover,” like the poor kid had only seen them in movies. The thought made his heart twist in ways that he absolutely did not approve of. But rather than mention any of this he merely said, “Sweet, I’ll grab my shit from the car. Thanks, man.”

            He led Egbert to his beat-up red Camry, the latter practically skipping along behind the former. Moving swiftly in order to cut down the time John would have an opportunity to see just how shitty his car was, Dave wrenched open back door, grabbed his backpack, and wheeled around.

            “Lead the way.”

            Back in the apartment they realized how little thought they had put into the potential living arrangements. The most obvious problem was the single mattress; there wasn’t even a couch one of them could crash on, just the flat rectangle in the corner.

            “You can take the bed. I’ll sleep on the floor or something...” John trailed off, looking uncertainly around as if the lack of places to sleep was a personal failing of his.

            “Dude, that would be completely shitty of me. This is _your_ home. I can take care of myself; I’ll just curl up on the table.”

            “No way! You’re my guest, I insist.” But Dave wasn’t listening; he had already taken his backpack to the other corner of the room. Then Egbert’s hand was on his arm. Strider turned to face him and was met with a blast from those electric blue eyes and a metric fuck-ton of Egbertian insecurity. The smaller male worried his lip slightly, as if seriously considering what he was about to say before he said it.

            “If it wouldn’t be too weird,” he began, uncertainly “We could kinda share the mattress. Not like, all in each other’s business, there could be some sort of blanket divider. Totally no homo.” By this point John refused look anywhere near Dave’s face, which was completely fine with him, as he couldn’t quite repress the smile that sprung to his lips at the level of awkward at which John managed to exist.

            “Sounds like a plan, bro. Hook me up?”

            John set to work, rolling and folding a blanket and several towels until he had constructed a fairly sturdy wall splitting the mattress down the middle. Then he turned the lights out so the only glow came from the light of the laptop, before retreating to the bathroom to change. Dave shucked his hoodie, shoes, and belt, figuring that his t-shirt and jeans were as good as any pjs. He busied himself with settling into his side of the mattress, the one pressed against the wall, and fishing around in his backpack for his prized possession. Finally feeling his fingers brushed familiar fabric, he pulled the old thing out.

            “Uh, Dave, I don’t mean to be rude, but what the fuck is that?” John had apparently just returned from changing for bed and stood staring at the thing clutched in Strider’s arms with a look of abject horror.

            “This is Lil’ Cal, he was Dirk’s.” He mentally kicked himself for letting the last part slip.

            “Who’s Dirk?”

            “He was my brother.”

            “Was?”

            “He… died, not that long ago.” Dave was less than thrilled with the direction the conversation was taking; he could feel the lump in his throat threatening to tell in his voice.

            “I’m so sorry.” John replied, his voice soft as he sat on his side of their “bed.”

            “It’s cool.” It most certainly was not cool, but he wasn’t about to show it. It was high time he redirected this little talk. “What about you, any family?”

            “It was just my dad and I, growing up, my mom died when I was a kid. We did alright, though. Then dad passed away last year.” John stared down at the blankets, picking at a snag in the fabric as he spoke. Dave could see the telling shine of tears in his eyes in the blue light cast by the computer. He felt like the world’s biggest asshole.

            “How did you get into the Paranormal Investigation business?” He asked, trying desperately to change the subject.

            “I was in a really bad way after my dad…. I stopped eating, stopped sleeping. I collapsed on my way home from work and Rose found me. She took me back to her office and helped me get back on my feet. While I was there I watched her treat all kinds of people; selkies, elementals, even a banshee!  All this stuff I thought was just in stories and she was examining them like it was a community clinic! And she let me help, too. Turns out, most creatures are decent at heart; they’re just misunderstood. So, that’s where I come in; people come to me with their spooky ghosts and evil demons, and I find out what’s really going on. I fix things.” By the time he finished, John was curled up on his side, smiling faintly.

            “Well, if that isn’t just the most admirable thing I’ve ever heard, Mr. Egbert.” Dave said, lying down so that they were face to face, arms curling around Lil’ Cal instinctively. John chuckled softly, eyes closing.

            “Thanks for listening, Dave.”

            “Anytime, bro.”


	4. In Which a Deal Is Struck and a New Friend Is Made

John woke up the next morning to a sizzling sound and a faintly sweet smell. He rolled over on the mattress and hit the blanket barrier he had constructed the night before. Memories of the previous 24 hours came flooding back to him and he sat up with a jolt. The space next to him was empty and he looked around to see his new roommate standing over the stove, bundled into an overlarge red cardigan and thick wooly scarf.

            “Dave? What are you doing?” he asked, rubbing his eyes and feeling around for his glasses.

            “Making pancakes. You have literally no food here.” Dave responded, looking at him with slightly hooded eyes.

            “Dude. _Pancakes_. I love them.” He responded, pulling himself out of bed and slouching over to the table, collapsing into a chair.

            “Yeah, my Bro didn’t teach me much in the way of culinary arts, but he always had time for pancakes. I also made some coffee; I hope you don’t mind me commandeering your kitchen.” The white haired man set a steaming pot of dark liquid on the table before passing him a mug along with the sugar and a carton of milk. John decided he liked sleepy Dave; he was much less sassy and much more domestic.

            “You are my hero.” He said, pouring himself some coffee and watching as Strider expertly turned the pancakes with a flip of his wrist.

            “Hardly. You’re the one taking in every stray off the street and allowing them to crash in your bed. Speaking of which, we need to talk about payment. How much do you usually charge per case?” Dave finished the last pancake and set the stack down on the table between them, grabbing the syrup from a cabinet before taking the seat across from John.

            “You don’t owe me anything! This is the biggest case I’ve ever had, I should be paying you.” He responded, drowning the stack before forking the first three cakes and bringing them to his mouth.

            “ _That_ is the biggest load of bullshit I have ever heard. Let’s get real here, what’s the going rate?” Strider gave him a serious look and John had to admit that the red eyes were slightly unnerving when leveled in his direction.

            “Look, how about this. While you’re staying here you can cook, and you help with the case. Sound fair?” he grinned in what he hoped was a winning manner, but he had the feeling his overly large front teeth ruined the effect. Dave gave him an almost imperceptible smile in return.

            “It sounds completely unfair, but since you’re all gung-ho about this I’ll play along. What’s on the agenda for today, fearless detective?”

            “Well, after we finish up here we’re supposed to go back to Rose’s to meet Jade. Her flight should be landing in about an hour.”

            They walked into Lalonde’s clinic an hour and a half later. Rose looked up from where she was working at her desk and nodded in greeting. John waved cheerily in reply while Dave merely mirrored her nod.

            “Jade called fifteen minutes ago, she’s caught a taxi and should be here any minute.” The blond said. “How are you feeling, Dave? Any change?”

            “In the half a day since you’ve seen me? What do you think?” John winced at Dave’s words, both impressed and concerned by the way he so casually bantered with Rose.

            “It’s always prudent to ask. Now, if you can stop being sarcastic long enough to greet our new guest, I believe she’s here.” They all turned to face the entrance as the sound of footsteps drifted through the door.

            A woman entered the office, tan skinned and slender. She had long black hair shot through with streaks of bright green that matched her eyes exactly. She blinked at them from behind enormous round glasses and when she smiled her buck teeth rivaled John’s. However, the most distinctive things about her were the pointed white ears that peeked through the hair at the top of her head.

            “Hi, I’m Jade! It’s really nice to meet you all.” She gave them a friendly wave.

            “Holy shit, guys, she’s a furry. Someone please tell me I am not the only one seeing this, I mean _holy shit_.” Dave’s eyes were wide as he stared at the newcomer. He gave a soft ‘omph’ as Rose elbowed him in the ribs while John gave a nervous giggle.

            “I think what Dave is trying to say is ‘Welcome to Seattle, Jade.’ And while I second the sentiment, I would also like to enquire as to whether those are, in fact, your actual ears.” John had to applaud Rose’s attempt at smoothing over Dave’s less than stellar first impression, but he couldn’t honestly say that it had worked.

            Jade unconsciously reached up and tugged at one of the white tufts, before giving an apologetic grin. “I could have sworn I mentioned this in the emails, gosh I feel silly. I was born a werewolf,” she held up a hand to cut off their reactions, “But I built a device, that emits just the right frequency so that my transformation is repressed. The only wolf-like characteristic I retain is my ears, so don’t worry!”

            There was silence for a few long moments before John piped up, “Can I see it? The thing you made?” and then she was waving him over and pulling out a small object hanging on a chain around her neck and explaining how it worked while John listened with rapt attention.

            As the two dark haired members of the group chatted animatedly, Dave turned to Rose with a serious expression.

            “Level with me here, Lalonde, do you think she’s safe?” he asked in hushed tones.

            “You know, I think she is. If it makes you feel better, I’ll keep a close eye on her over the duration of her stay. However, like it or not, we need her help.”

            “Fair enough, I guess we should go get cozy with our new fluffy friend.

            John noticed Dave and Rose looking at them and grabbed Jade’s hand, pulling her over to the other two. “Guys, look at this thing.” He pointed to the dog’s head shaped locket hanging around the weregirl’s neck. “She showed me how it works and it’s seriously amazing, but I think I can make it _better._ I just need to find the right runes and then she’ll be able to transform at will!”

            “Rose, you never told me you had a friend who could work actual magic. With John covering the more arcane side of things this case will go much more smoothly, I can feel it!” Jade and John stood, smiling side by side. It was impossible not to notice how alike the two were, had he not known better Dave would have sworn they were brother and sister.

            “I had hoped that the two of you would make a good team, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. We still don’t even know where to start, let alone what direction to go.” The blonde woman replied, smiling at them tolerantly.

            “I propose a tactical retreat to the nearest bar where we can regroup and plan our next attack.” Strider pulled his hood up and donned his shades as he spoke, effectively hiding his mutated features. “Harley, you might want to put a hat on or something.”

            “I have just the thing. I finished knitting it last night. If you’ll wait one moment?” Rose disappeared into one of the many rooms that branched out from the main office, returning with a black woolen cap. It fitted snugly over Jade’s ears and the foursome was ready to depart.

            Dave slung an arm around John’s shoulders as they left, raising a single eyebrow behind his dark glasses. “What do you say, Egbert, buy a girl a beer?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there you have it, the four kids together at last! I seriously cannot express how much I appreciate all the positive feedback, and I hope you enjoy what I have in store!


	5. In Which Alcohol Is Consumed and Ages Are Established

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bluh, I know this chapter is kinda meandering and pointless, but that's okay! The next one will be chock full of action AND plot!

The bar was mostly empty when they walked in, due in no small part to the fact that it was only early afternoon. John and Rose had talked it over and picked the most out of the way place they could think of, their only requirement being a low probability of bar fights. The place was impressively sketchy; dim lights, dirty tables, complete with a scowling bartender eyeing them as they went by.

They slipped into a small booth, Dave and John on one side, Rose and Jade on the other. Strider watched his blue eyed roommate from behind his shades, noticing how out of place he looked, like he was too innocent to be allowed here. A thought struck him and he leaned over slightly to mutter in John’s ear, “Are you even old enough to drink?”

For the first time, Dave saw the detective’s face twist in irritation. Eyes narrowed and mouth set into a frown, Egbert glared at him. The effect was somewhat ruined by how far he had to crane his neck back to look him in the face. “I am twenty four years old. An _adult._ ” He hissed, as if daring Dave to disagree.

In spite of himself, the taller man chuckled, “Excuse the fuck out of me.”

“It’s okay, John, people guess my age wrong all the time, too. I have to carry an ID literally everywhere.” Jade piped up, and Dave had to admit that he’d momentarily forgotten the girls were there. He wasn’t sure if he appreciated their sudden reappearance.

“What about you, Harley?” he asked, just for something to say. “You old enough to down a few shots with the big boys?”

“I hit twenty four this year, but I used to drink with my Grandpa way before I was legal.”

“We’re the same age?! No way, it’s like the Wonder Twins, but separated at birth!” John looked positively delighted. “What about you guys?”

“John, don’t you know it’s rude to ask a lady about her age?” Rose scoffed, while Dave simultaneously said “Twenty eight.”

The blonde stared at him steadily for a full thirty seconds before saying, “It appears we have more than one set of multiples. How intriguing.” Before anyone could reply, she stood. “I’m going to order, better pick your poisons.”

“Peach Schnapps, no ice.” Dave shot.

“An appletini, please?” came John’s request.

“I’ll come with you to carry the drinks.” Jade offered, standing and following Rose to the bar.  

As he waited for his drink, John scrutinized the older male as surreptitiously as possible. He had never had a friend like Dave, had never had that many friends period, but the point still stood. Very few people seemed to humor him as much as his new housemate. They had been around each other for almost a day straight and not once had Strider snapped at him or blown him off. It was refreshing, but at the same time it made him that much more nervous. The closer he got the more chance he stood of getting hurt.

“You alright there, Johnny-boy?” Dave asked, nudging him gently with his elbow.

“What? Uh, yeah, just thinking about the case.” He mumbled, dropping his gaze. Fortunately, Rose and Jade chose that exact moment to return with the drinks. Rose began nursing a fruity smelling red wine while Jade took a healthy gulp from her whiskey, the two men took their glasses with a word of thanks, and the table fell into a comfortable silence.

Finally, Rose spoke up. “I suggest we hold off on beginning our investigation for at least another forty eight hours.”

“Aw! Why?” John asked plaintively, shoulders slumping like his whole week had been ruined by that one sentence.

“For one, Jade and Dave _just_ got here in the last day or so. They need time to settle in a bit and recuperate from their travels. Additionally, Jade and I decided it would be best if we went over the data she’s collected in regards to the anomaly. Not that I doubt its accuracy, but I would like to familiarize myself with it as much as possible. You both are welcome to join us, if you like.”

“You keep your science bullshit to yourself; that be the devil’s practice. I, for one, am a God fearing Texan.”

“I assumed to would have such a reaction, Dave, I appreciate your consistency. What about you, John?”

“I think I’m with Dave on this one. Thanks for inviting us, but I actually have some things I need to catch up on and this is the perfect time.”

“So it’s settled, we meet at Rose’s in two days?” Jade clarified. There was a round of nods and they all downed the remainder of their drinks. Outside, they said their goodbyes, John and Jade gushing over how nice it had been to meet the other, while Dave and Rose just gave aloof nods and polite waves.

Back at the apartment, John was a flurry of movement. Dave watched in awe as he sprinted around, cramming books into his backpack, digging magic markers out of piles of clothing, and locating his hammer. He stopped dead in the middle of pulling on a truly awful orange and blue plaid sweater, looking at Strider with wide eyes, glasses askew from where the clothing had pulled at them.

“Oh wow, this is so rude of me; I totally forgot to ask you. I have another client, a pretty routine haunting in an old theatre downtown, and I had planned on going tonight since we’re gonna be free for a while. You don’t have to come if you don’t want to, it might be dangerous, or you might be really bored. You can just stay her and use my laptop even, if you want. But, yeah, the offer is open to join me.” He rubbed his arm sheepishly and waited for a response.

Dave was still stuck on the words “it might be dangerous.” The prospect of tiny little Egbert and any form of danger existing in the same fucking _universe_ was just unacceptable. There was no way he could allow him to go alone.

“Just let me grab my katana.”

 


	6. In Which a Ghost Is Underestimated

“Are you sure this is legal? Because it feels an awful like breaking and entering.” Dave asked, shooting furtive looks up and down the street and gripping the hilt of his katana unnecessarily tightly.

By the time they reached the theatre, the sun was setting rapidly. The building was closed, no lights were visible, and no one answered when they banged on the door. Rather than waste the trip, John had lead the way around to the back of the building and calmly started to jimmy the door with the back of his hammer.

“Relax, I’m a professional.” John replied, shooting him a wink as the door popped open.

Dave eyed the darkness suspiciously, “We’re just gonna wander in? No game plan?”

“You don’t really need one. Ghosts tend to get found when they want to be found, it’ll come to us.”

“Rad.”

“It’ll be fine; I’ve done this a million times. Just hold on to my backpack or something so we don’t get separated.” John gestured to the handle of his book bag, but Dave ignored it, reaching instead for the sleeve of his shirt. Gripping a fistful of fabric, he took the lead, striding forward into the darkness with his temporary partner trailing behind.

The door closed behind them and, for a moment, the blackness was complete. Then he noticed a faint blue glow coming from behind him. He turned and saw John holding his hammer aloft, the battered tool was emitting a soft light from the runes scrawled across the head. The light illuminated a small circle around them, just enough to make the scene incredibly eerie. Still, at least they were no longer flying blind. Dave pushed up his shades to see better and gave John a tight smile.

“Good thinking, Egbert.”

 

They walked along in silence for what seemed like an eternity, passing old set pieces and battered props that took on an otherworldly appearance in the hammer’s light. Dave was starting to wonder if their target was ever going to show when he heard it. The voice came from every direction, like a vague whisper that he couldn’t quite make out no matter how hard he strained his ears.

“Do you hear that?” he breathed at John. The investigator nodded and put a finger to his lips, then gestured for him to keep going. He felt his heartbeat speeding up as he crept forward, eyes flicking toward every shadow. The whispering got louder.

“ _Your fault. You left._ ”

Dave felt the words as much as he heard them, cold and sharp, cutting straight to his heart. He winced and glanced at John who was busy scribbling rapidly across his hammer. He looked up at Strider, eyes frightened behind their thick frames.

“I was wrong; I never should have brought you here. Dave, you need to leave right now. It’s so _angry_ , how did I not see this?”

“Nothing doing, Egbert. You stay, I stay.” He replied, drawing strength from John’s fear. He moved closer to the smaller man, dropping his stance and bringing his katana up. In all honesty, he hadn’t the slightest fucking clue what help a metal stick would be against something that didn’t have a body, but it made him feel less helpless.

“ _You let me die. I trusted you and you let them kill me._ ”

The voice was louder now, drawing closer as the seconds ticked by. The sound made him nauseous and he wondered if he’d be able to stay conscious long enough to actually see the thing. His question was answered as a figure emerged from the wall.

The ghost wasn’t anything like the mental image of some dude with a sheet over his head that Dave had been holding onto. Instead, it was skeletal in appearance, composed of white light, and all sharp angles and points. Suddenly he felt foolish, holding his sword out like a child trying to fight off the monsters in under his bed.

“John, we gotta get the fuck outta dodge. Go, I’m right behind you.” But before either of them could move the spirit emitted a horrible keening shriek, and rushed at them. He steeled himself for the impact, but felt something make contact from behind him and he was pushed to his knees. John took his place, hammer held at the ready, eyes determined.

Dave watched, gripped by the most intense fear he had ever experienced as the ghost reached the detective just as he brought the hammer down. At the impact, a violet flash lit the area and left Strider blind. When he regained his vision he saw John, slumped on the floor, eyes closed. Hovering over his prone form was the ghost, but the hammer’s blow had taken its toll. Its outline was blurring and convulsing, and the noise it gave off was slowly growing higher.

“Fucking shit,” he breathed, as he regained his feet, sprinting to John’s side before dropping to his knees and pulling the unconscious male into his lap. The spirit was descending on them, now, flickering in and out of existence before Dave’s eyes, determined to inflict as much damage as possible before it was banished.

Dave hunched over John, trying to shield him as the violet enveloped, then passed through them. It took less than a second, but in that infinitesimal amount of time he experienced everything the spirit was feeling; rage, fear, but most of all, loss. It was a loss so profound that he felt like he was drowning in it. Against his will, Dave was taken back to the last moments of his brother’s life.

  


Their apartment complex was on fire, smoke was everywhere and Dave couldn’t see or breathe. Dirk was trapped in his room, the roof having collapsed in front of the entryway, leaving barely enough room for Dave to see his brother’s face. It was expressionless, except for the eyes. The same brown as Dave’s had been, they expressed the fear and sorrow that Dave felt. “Go.” He had said. “Get out before you get stuck, too.”    





“I’m not leaving! We’ll figure this out.”

“Not this time, little bro, take Cal and leave.” Dirk threw the cloth puppet through the gap. “Take care, man. I love you.” And then he had shut the door, cutting off the conversation before Dave could respond. On autopilot, Dave had picked up Lil Cal and sprinted for the fire escape, somehow ignoring the part of him screaming to go back and help Dick.

Dave regained consciousness, realizing belatedly that he was sobbing, clutching desperately at John who was holding to him just as tightly. As awkward as he felt, he couldn't bring himself to let go. Slowly, the tears subsided, and he registered that the ghost was gone.

“Is it over?” he asked, voice hoarse.

“Yeah, I didn’t want to do that, but I prefer to let them cross over, but I didn’t have much of a choice. I’m so sorry, Dave.”

“You’re _sorry_? John, you took the hit for me. I’m the one who can’t die. I should have protected you.”  They moved apart slightly, he wiped his eyes as Egbert retrieved his bag and hammer.

“It isn’t your job.” the younger man said flatly, and then his voice softened. “Let’s go home.” Rather than argue, he nodded and they began the walk back in silence, walking shoulder to shoulder.

 

Back at the apartment they readied themselves for bed, each lost in their own thoughts. John was wracked with guilt; he had almost killed the first friend he’d had in over a year, not counting Rose. And yet, Dave was still there. He hadn’t bailed or called John a freak. He had wanted to help and to protect him.

Dave was haunted by the memory of his last conversation with his brother. Dirk’s face as he’d closed the door kept flashing though his mind, and as he lay down with Lil’ Cal he felt a hollowness in the pit of his stomach. And then there was John. In the moment after he’d woken up, before he’d been able to tell what was real and what wasn’t, the black haired boy had been there warm and safe. Dave wasn’t sure if the feelings were just a result of the ordeal he had gone through, or if they were caused by the man himself.

They settled into bed without a word, neither having much inclination to speak. John dropped off almost instantly; Dave heard his breathing slow, then even out into quiet sighs. For his part, the older male was having trouble finding sleep. Every time he closed his eyes, the entire night would play out behind his lids until he woke up with a jolt.

He looked at Egbert, jealous of how content he seemed. As he watched the rise and fall of the scrawny chest, an idea occurred to him, and slowly, delicately, he rearranged the blankets that formed the barrier between them. Obstacle gone, he rolled over and adjusted himself so that his head rested lightly against John’s torso and he could hear the air going in and out. The constant rhythm gave him something to focus on and kept his darker thoughts at bay. With a small smile he slipped into oblivion.

Unbeknownst to Dave, his roommate was not yet asleep. John held back a small chuckle when he felt Strider curl into place. He didn’t mind the proximity, after a case like that it was actually welcome. Still, he couldn’t help but wonder what his Dad would say if he could see him now. What about Dave’s brother? Somehow, he couldn’t imagine anyone who had raised Strider being chill about him snuggling in bed with another dude, even if it was platonic.

He heard a deep voice whisper directly into his ear, “ _Kid, Striders don’t do platonic._ ” But when he looked around, he saw no one in the shadowy apartment but himself and Dave. Briefly John wondered if… but, no. There was no way. He pushed the thought from his mind and closed his eyes.


	7. In Which John Loses Himself and Dave Finds Him

The first thing he realized when he woke up was how uncomfortable his bed was. Without opening his eyes, John rolled over and immediately realized something was very wrong. Sitting bolt upright he looked around, only to find that he was no longer in his apartment. White, blank walls surrounded him on all sides and the only pieces of furniture were the tiny bed he lay on and a generic looking chair.  His surroundings were both foreign and familiar, and he struggled to recall where he remembered this place from. Then it hit him; this was the hospital where his mother, and eventually, his father had died.

            Wondering how he’d gotten here, John quickly checked himself for injuries. Finding none, he carefully stood and noticed he was still in his pajamas; a ghost buster’s t-shirt and baggy sweatpants. Something about this seemed…off. Shouldn’t he be in a hospital gown? He had spent enough time here to know that all of the patients were given one upon admittance. Where were the nurses? Why was it so quiet?

            “Dave?” he called tentatively, but there was no response.

            He strode across the room and opened the door, peeking out into the hallway. It was utterly empty in both directions. No doctors, nurses, or patients. No carts holding blankets or fresh linens. John peeked into a few more rooms to be positive, and sure enough, the place was completely empty. The silence was unnerving, and he quickened his pace as he searched for any sign of life.

            Several floors down he noticed a door ajar. Approaching as stealthily as he was able, he halted just outside. Room 612, he knew this place.

            “John, sweetie, is that you?” A woman’s voice floated through the open door, followed by a man’s “C’mon in, son.” His breath caught in his chest as he recognized the speakers, and he flew into the room hardly daring to believe it.

            There they were, his mother sitting up in a hospital bed smiling warmly and giving off a healthy glow, and his father, standing tall and solid with an arm around his wife. He couldn’t explain how or why this was happening, nor did he care. He looked at them, eyes brimming,and when they beckoned, he went smiling, arms outstretched to hug them both. Then he stopped, half a step away, when a third voice sounded in his head.

            “ _Egbert? Can you hear me?_ ”

            John knew the voice to be Dave’s but it was distant and muffled, and his parents were waiting. He moved forward again, launching himself into his their embrace.

            As soon as he made contact, the scene in front of him froze. The expressions remained plastered on his mother’s and father’s faces and their arms stayed clamped around him, but he watched in horror as they and the room slowly dissolved around him. Desperately, he tried to grip their hands and clothes but they faded inexorably until he was left in utter blackness.

            He felt like he was falling, he couldn’t see, was fighting to breath. John thrashed wildly searching for purchase against the darkness, but his hands met nothing. His lungs burned and his head was getting fuzzy.

            “ _John!_ ” Dave’s voice was clearer now, and he held on to that burst of clarity gasping as his ability to inhale returned. “ _Fight it, John. You have to wake up._ ”

 In the distance John could see a bright red pin-prick of light, growing larger the longer he stared. As the light got closer it slowly developed into a recognizable shape, but only when it reached him was he able to make out what it was.

A crimson crow hovered before him, flapping its wings and glowing vividly against the empty abyss around them. Instinctually, John associated the bird with Dave, knowing somehow that the two were connected.

“Hey, little guy.” He whispered, reaching out to touch it. The crow gave a harsh “Caw!” and darted out of his reach, before returning to his place just in front of him. When John remained still it repeated the motion several more times. “You want me to follow you?”

As if it understood, the bird flapped away again, halting to wait after it had gone a short distance. John moved to follow, but found no solid space to push off from. “I can’t move!” He called to the crow. It regarded him for a moment before returning and sticking a single talon-clad foot out. Carefully, he reached out for the delicate appendage and the crow latched onto his index finger.

Flapping rapidly the crow pulled him along toward a destination only it seemed aware of. John watched, amazed as the bird propelled them both along, mindless of his added weight. Almost imperceptibly, the space around them seemed to lighten from pitch black, to grey, to the purest white he had ever seen.

Throughout it all, John kept his eyes glued to the bird, willing it to keep going and lead him out of this nightmare. They were close, now, he knew it. The light surrounding him was growing to bright for his eyes to stand, and he squeezed them shut just as something closed tight around his ankle and gave an almighty wrench.

John was torn from the crow’s grip and back down into the emptiness. He screamed, trying to kick at the thing wrapped around his foot, but its hold was like iron.

“Don’t leave us, John” his mother’s voice whispered to him, but it was distorted and harsh and _wrong_.

“We’ve been waiting for so long.” Said his father, sounding similarly twisted.

“We can be a family again. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“You still love us, don’t you?”

John tried to fight, but he was losing sight of the crow and the words of his parents were tearing at his heart. He covered his ears, tears streaming down his face.

“Shut up, please…” he whimpered, curling in on himself. He felt more tendrils of darkness twining themselves around his arms and legs, pulling at him and filling his mouth and ears and eyes, threatening to tear him apart and ohfuckithurtmakeitstoppleasegod-

“ _DAVE!_ ” The sound was torn from his throat, pushing past the darkness and booming out through the abyss. There was no reply. John sagged, the fight going out of him as he gave himself up to the abomination that had him in its grasp.

And there he was; Dave, but Not Dave. He was a bright, burning, orange and flew with wings of the crow, but attached to Dave’s body. With claw-like fingers, Bird-Dave slashed at tendrils holding John and they disintegrated, freeing him almost faster than he could see.

“You okay? Can you hold onto me?” Bird-Dave asked, gripping him around the waist with one arm and beating back the darkness with rapid down strokes of his wings. Rather than waste energy on replying, John clung to the orange torso for all he was worth, breath coming in ragged gasps.

“Alright, hold tight. Shit’s about to get real.” His mouth turned up in a tiny smirk. “Caw caw, motherfuckers.” With both arms free Bird-Dave began lashing out with wrathful abandon while simultaneously propelling them upward as fast as he could. Just as before, the darkness faded and was replaced by a shocking white, but the tendrils still pursued.

“This is where you get off.” The winged boy said, gripping John by the arms and preparing to throw him the rest of the distance. “I’ll hold it back long enough for you to wake up. I’ve got your back, Egbert.”

Then John was shooting through the whiteness, watching Bird-Dave repel attack after attack, slowly growing smaller.

 

“Egbert…. Hey, Lalonde, come here, I think he’s waking up. John?

He opened his eyes and saw Dave’s face looming over his. Strider’s brows scrunched in worry and his mouth was drawn into a frown as he surveyed the youthful face. John couldn’t help but smile, squeezing the callused hand that gripped his own.

“You saved me…” he whispered, voice ragged.

“I have no idea what he’s talking about. Rose, get over here. Harley, grab some water.”

The two women entered John’s field of vision, Jade offering a small Styrofoam cup of water. Dave carefully lifted him into a sitting position with one arm while tipping the liquid into his mouth with the other. He was grateful for the drink, not having realized how dry his throat had been.

“What happened?” he asked, voice steadier now.

“Dave informed me of the case you two took on last night. From what I gathered, when the spirit passed through you, it stored some of itself in your body. Through this small deposit it attempted to take over, from the inside out. Dave suffered no such attack due to his... mutation.” Rose’s tone was soothing, but even as she spoke he found himself becoming alarmed.

“Is it still in there?!” it came out as a squeak.

“No, I don’t believe so. I doubt you would have regained consciousness if it hadn’t been completely eradicated.”

“So that’s what Dave did? Or Bird-Dave, I guess?”

The three stared at him with blank expressions. The arm supporting his shoulders tightened ever so slightly.

“Are you saying Dave was in your head?” Jade asked, looking between the two males curiously.

“It may be that John’s subconscious defenses manifested in a form that his waking self considers to be a protector.”

“I could hear his voice.” John said it as a half-question.

“That would be because he hasn’t left your side since you refused to wake up this morning. He carried you here, and has been talking to you all day in an effort to rouse you.”

He turned to look at Dave just in time to watch a delicate shade of pink creep across the white haired man’s cheeks.

“Thank you.” John said softly.

“It’s no biggie, Egbert. I’ve got your back.”


	8. In Which Dave Feels Things He'd Rather Not

Try as he might, Dave couldn’t keep his eyes off the small form lying on Rose’s examination table. John had been conscious for several hours now, but he couldn’t shake the nagging fear that any moment the detective would slip away again while he wasn’t looking.

Earlier that day, when Egbert’s shallow breathing had woken him and he noticed how pale the other boy’s skin had become during the night, Dave had almost lost his shit entirely. He had kneeled at John’s side, calling his name and nudging him gently, and when there was no response, shaking him by the shoulders. Still, the blue eyes remained hidden. Strider had wracked his brain for what to do next; it wasn’t as if he could just dump the boy in the hospital and explain how a ghost had attacked them. That would be as likely to get them chucked into a mental facility as get John any real treatment. Then he remembered Rose.

Moving swiftly, Dave retrieved his car keys from where they hung by the door and returned to the sleeping boy. He knelt and yanked the blanket off the mattress, bundling it tightly around John before carefully pulling him into his arms and standing, cradling the warm weight against his chest.

“Jesus Christ, kiddo, I am never making you pancakes again.” Dave grunted, struggling to adjust to the unfamiliar burden. Somehow, he made it out the door, down the stairs, and to his car, where he opened the passenger’s side door and gently deposited the still unconscious Egbert. He hurried around to the driver’s side and leaned over to buckle John in before clicking his own seatbelt into place and pealing out of there as fast as he dared.

Rose hadn’t asked any questions when she’d opened the door to reveal Dave carrying a limp John; she’d merely moved aside and told him to deposit the boy on the examination table. Once he was settled, Dave had filled Rose and Jade in on what had happened the previous night and waited for the blonde to pull a solution out of thin air. It hadn’t happened. She looked as scared as he felt when she told him that there was nothing they could do but wait.

So they had. For hours. Rose and Jade had spent their time pacing, or else speaking in hushed tones, checking John’s temperature occasionally and asking if Dave needed anything. For his part, the red eyed man had maintained a bedside vigil; he sat at Egbert’s side, wiping the sweat from his forehead, talking to him, gripping his hand, willing him to get better.

            When John had regained consciousness, blinking owlishly up at him through foggy eyes, he thought he might pass out from relief. He was awake and talking, gripping his hand fiercely, and Dave had never been so grateful for anything in his life.

            This left him where he was now; flicking glances Egbert’s way every few seconds and asking if he needed anything. The answer remained the same each time, a smile and a “No, I’m okay. Really!”

            After John had woken up, Rose had employed Jade’s help in aiding his recovery. The two women had kept up a constant stream of fluids, from soup to juice to jello. The boy dutifully consumed everything that was passed his way, save for the apple juice Dave somehow acquired while he wasn’t looking.

 Though he would never admit it for fear of making John feel bad, Strider was growing increasingly restless cooped up in the office. He wanted to take the younger man home and feed him, maybe let him sleep it off while Dave watched movies on the laptop. It would be easier than sitting here while the women-folk went through the same motions. They weren’t doing anything he couldn’t.

“Lalonde, how much longer before you can discharge the patient?” he called to where the delicate doctor sat with Jade, typing furiously on her computer as the dark haired girl rattled off numbers and places that meant nothing to him.

“Well, if John feels up to it I don’t see why you can’t return to his apartment and monitor him there.” She responded, slightly distracted. Dave gave a mental cheer and allowed himself a brief upturning of his lips.

“What’d you say?” he asked the boy on the bed.

“Take me home?”

Rose sent them on their way with strict instructions to ensure that John maintained his fluid intake and to avoid strenuous activity until he was fully recovered. She looked Dave squarely in the eye as she gave the last order: “Take care of him. John can become overeager and forget what’s best for him, so I trust you to remember in his place. Don’t make me regret that decision.” Outwardly, he merely rolled his eyes and nodded, but he was honestly impressed with how much venom the willowy girl could convey with such a pleasant tone.

Getting John back into the apartment was only marginally easier than getting him out of it. His legs were still weak and he was still running a fever, so Dave had to prop him up, John’s arm around his shoulder and his arm around John’s waist. It was slow going; they had to stop frequently to let the sickly male rest, but eventually Strider had him settled back on the mattress.

It was only when John was comfortably situated that Dave realized he had never been responsible for another living being in his life. The idea terrified him. As a kid he had rarely gotten sick, and when the occasion did arise, Bro had merely shoved cough syrup down his throat until he felt better, or pretended to feel better in an effort to make him stop. He considered all the movies and television shows he had ever seen relating to the topic and came up with two constants: lots of blankets and a hot drink. He could do this.

John already had the only blanket in the apartment, so Dave went to the closet to grab several of the detective’s garish sweaters and draped them in layers over the worn comforter until Egbert was nothing more than two blue eyes peeking out of a wooly rainbow cocoon. Satisfied with a job well done on that front, he went to the kitchen and dug through the cupboards until he found an old box of tea. After carefully reading and re-reading the directions he managed to add enough tea bags to enough boiling water and left it to steep.

“Alright, bro, we’ve got you bundled, cozy as shit. We’ve got you some herbal tea in the works to melt the germs or whatever it does. You need anything else?”

John’s words came out muffled through the fabric around his head, “M’so tired, Dave.” And it was obvious that he was telling the truth. Strider watched as his eyelids slowly drooped and his head kept lolling to the side, but he managed to continue. “Stay with me?”

“As if I’ve got anywhere else to be, I live here remember?” He scoffed, but he scooted closer, allowing John’s head to rest on his lap.  His heart gave an uncomfortable lurch as the smaller man curled towards him, making a tiny noise of contentment as he drifted off. The cup of tea sat forgotten as Strider found himself staring at the small patch of face visible through all the coverings and he idly decided it should be illegal to have eyelashes that dark as a boy.

“ _Fuck me._ ” He thought, as he realized what he was doing.  “ _What the hell was that, you sappy piece of shit?_ ” Yet, without his consent, his gaze wandered back to John, and he couldn’t help but smile at the way his nose scrunched up slightly as he slept.

“Dammit.” Dave murmured to himself, bringing both palms to his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys, I cannot stress enough how grateful I am for each and every one of your hits, kudos, and comments. They give me the motivation to keep writing, and I am honestly having so much fun with this story. I have plans, people. So many plans.


	9. In Which A Promise Is Made

While John slept, Dave kept watch. He didn’t actually expect anything to happen to them in the apartment, but it felt like the right thing to do. It wasn’t as if he felt tired (far from it, he was constantly on edge, alert for any sign of change in his slumbering charge) and it gave him something to focus on as the light crashing through the tiny window faded and the apartment became gradually darker. 

            Sometime around midnight, the boy in his lap stirred. Eyes fluttered open and hands fought to free themselves from the wooly prison in which they had been swaddled. Dave helped him sit up, supporting the smaller man’s back as John rubbed his eyes with his fists to push the fog of sleep away.

            “How’re you feeling?” He asked softly, squinting at Egbert in the half light.

            “Better? I think?” The detective’s voice was hoarse and his electric blue eyes were accented by dark bags. “Thanks for letting me crash on you. I hope I didn’t drool.” He gave a brave attempt at a laugh, but it quickly devolved into a dry cough.

            “It ain’t no thing. Just sit tight, I’ll get you some water, you sound like you just deep-throated the Sandman.” He stood and padded across the floor, leaving the lights off. The glow from the computer and the amber streetlight outside the window combined to give the apartment a sleepy, ethereal atmosphere and Dave was convinced that he and John were the only two people in the entire world awake at that moment.

            He returned with the glass of water, which John downed gratefully. The boy was sitting up on his own now, smiling blearily in a nest of rumpled clothes, blanket hanging off his thin shoulders. He seemed so relaxed and content and Dave couldn’t remember looking at anything so pure.

            They were sitting cross-legged on the mattress, Dave sprawled with a sort of carefully casual grace, and John hunched over, picking at a stray thread in the blanket. A silence stretched between them and the older man could tell the younger wanted to say something, but was having trouble starting. He nudged John’s knee with his foot and raised a single eyebrow in a silent question. Buck teeth flashed in a grin before he ducked his head and cleared his throat.

            “I-I really appreciate you taking care of me like this. But, I don’t want you to feel… obligated to stay here.” With an effort of biblical proportions, John forced himself to meet Dave’s eyes. “You can go, if you want. You didn’t sign up for this. I would completely understand if you’d rather stay in a hotel while we work the case.” He fell silent, trying to keep the fear, and even worse, the hope from showing on his face. He was no Strider, however, and Dave could read him like a book; leaning forward slightly, eyes wide, arms crossed and held tight against his chest. The unintentional display of vulnerability wrenched at his heart, and he was eager to assuage John’s concerns.

             “I’m only gonna say this once, because it’s literally the least cool thing I have ever uttered and Dirk will be rolling in his grave, so pay attention.” He slid around so he and John were shoulder to shoulder, and pulled Lil Cal into his lap before continuing. “I’m not going anywhere, John. I know you have it in your head that I’ll be out the door any second because I have all these other options and I could do so much better, but there is no way you could be more fucking wrong. I have nowhere to go, no one who gives a shit about me. To be honest, you are the first person to show me a goddamn iota of kindness and, for better or worse, I plan to hold onto that for all it’s worth. I will be here until you kick me out on my ass.” He shoved Lil Cal into John’s arms. “Here’s your proof. Collateral. I won’t leave without him; you know that, so will you believe me now?”

            They sat in silence, John cradling Cal, neither willing to look at the other.

            “We should get you a key.” The younger finally whispered.

            “What?”

            “A key to the apartment, if you’re gonna be here for a while.”

            “Oh… yeah. That’d be cool.”

            Another quiet stretch, Dave was just thinking that the levels of awkward would soon be reaching critical mass when John leaned over and nudged him with his shoulder.

            “Sorry about unloading my weird abandonment issues on you after you’ve gone all day without sleep. You want to crash?”

            “ _Fuck yes._ ” Dave replied emphatically. He lay down as John shucked the blanket from his shoulders and spread it over them. The younger man remained sitting up, pulling the laptop into his lap.

            “I’m gonna try to get some work done. Don’t forget we have to go to Rose’s tomorrow, okay?”

            Dave grunted in reply, eyes already shut tight. Leave it to the King of Chipper Innocence to put everything back to normal, he thought, burrowing into the blanket. He felt John run slender fingers through his hair, and distantly he wondered if this situation was oddly sweet or just totally homo, but he was too far towards sleep to put more thought into it. Instead he focused on praying that the noise of contentment that just came out of his throat would never be acknowledged by another living being.

            John remained awake, staring at his computer but not really seeing the screen, one hand propping up his chin and the other hesitantly carding through Dave’s hair. Lil Cal sat in his lap and surprisingly, the puppet didn’t seem so creepy anymore. If the red eyed man trusted him with his most important possession, then John figured he must be doing something right. For the first time since his Dad’s death, he actually believed someone when they promised they’d stick around.


	10. In Which A Trip Is Proposed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck Andrew Hussie, guys. I just had to go through all of my works and change "Dick" to "Dirk" because I cannot stand the thought of their names being non-cannon. Seriously, God dammit.
> 
> Also: I now have a tumblr where I will also be posting my works, as well as lots of other HS things. We could be friends, maybe?   
> http://rhayfalkcross.tumblr.com/

The next morning was slow going for both men. They were exhausted, one having only gotten a few hours sleep and the other having just fought off a major “illness.” They sat on either side of the battered table, John with his arms stretched out in front of him, head resting face down against the wood, Dave clutching his coffee cup like a lifeline, staring sightlessly into its contents.

            “Why, John? Why is this happening to me?”

            “Rose wants to give me a checkup to make sure that thing is gone and that you didn’t kill me. She also mentioned she had some Big News to tell us when I was talking to her online last night.” 

            “What’s this about a late night chat? Please tell me you were not exchanging illicit messages with the good doctor while my virginal self slept beside you? Have some decency for Christ’s sake.”

            “Gross, no way, Dave. It’s not like that! Rose is like a big sister or something.” John wrinkled his nose in disgust at his roommate’s suggestion before adding in a conspiratorial tone, “Besides, I think she prefers the _ladies._ ”

            Strider’s eyebrows shot up, this was certainly news to him. It did at least explain why his outrageous levels of swag left her completely unaffected. “If not Ms. Lalonde, than perhaps our new furry friend has caught your eye? You two seemed cozy when you were nerd-gasming over her fancy locket.” For reasons completely beyond the white haired man’s ability to fathom, John’s reply was incredibly important to him. He kept his voice casual, disinterested even, but as he took a sip from his mug Dave’s eyes carefully watched the younger man’s reaction.

            John shrugged, not even considering his words before he spoke. “She’s really cool, like crazy smart and everything, but it’s almost like looking into a mirror that turns you into a girl! Does that make sense?”

            “More than you know.” Strider replied, laughing and thinking of Rose. A knot in his gut that he hadn’t been previously aware of loosened, and he found himself looking on the day ahead much more favorably. It must have been the coffee. He ruffled John’s hair as he passed on the way to get dressed. “We should probably get going soon, yeah?”

            Jade was already there when they arrived at Lalonde’s clinic. The two girls exclaimed over how much better John looked and praised Dave’s nursing skills. After a quick examination, the detective was declared to be in good enough health to participate in that day’s briefing, and the four of them sat around Rose’s desk.

            “Alright guys, Rose and I have some good news!” Jade said, clapping her hands together excitedly. “We’ve actually made some pretty huge headway in investigating the anomalies. Turns out there’s a trend!”

            “On the sixth day of every month for the past twelve months a small tear has opened in our universe, each time in a different city in the United States. The last of these tears occurred in Houston, Texas, as you already know.” Rose straightened, her face taking on just a touch of excitement as she filled them in. “Now, Jade’s technology allows us to detect the anomalies as they occur, but try as we might, we can’t track the energy signatures they leave behind. Fortunately, she believes there may be a way, but it would require actually visiting the one of the sites.”

            So… Roadtrip?” John inquired, a note of hopeful excitement entering his voice.

            “Exactly!” The dog-eared girl exclaimed. “Technically, we could go to any of the anomaly areas but because the signal will be newer, and therefore stronger, I think we should go to Houston.”

            Dave’s heart dropped at her words. After everything that had happened in that city, his accident and Dirk’s death, it was the last place he wanted to go back to. “Do we really need to go all the way there? It’s not exactly around the fucking corner. Besides, what if we get there and whatever plan you have in mind doesn’t come through? We’ll have wasted a huge amount of time.”

            “Ugh, don’t be such a downer, jeez. If you must know, I’m positive the tracker will work because it’s me!”

            “Come again?”

            Jade stepped forward, moving so that she had room on all sides. Taking the dog-head locket in one hand, she turned a tiny dial on the side ever so slightly. It glowed a blinding green, and the light spread to cover her whole body. Before their eyes, she shrunk, limbs receding into her torso, face elongating, white hair springing to cover her. When the glow finally faded, Jade was gone, replaced by a tiny white dog.

            “Ta-da!” it said in a high pitched yip. “I modified my locket so I could take this form. I’m still in control, but I can use my werewolf sense of smell to track all sorts of supernatural stuff! Anomalies included!”

            Rose looked on in mild amusement, apparently having seen the transformation before, as John and Dave did a barrel roll off of every handle in the vicinity.

            “Hopy Jegus fuck!” The older male shouted, mangling his words as he pointed an accusatory finger at Jade, who wagged her tail in what she hoped was a reassuring manner. “That dog just spoke, why is no one pissing themselves? I don’t even… How high am I even…?” Trailing off, he slumped back in his seat and began taking slow, steadying breaths with his eyes shut tight.

            The dark haired boy was fairing somewhat better, a look of unadulterated bliss plastered across his face as he flung himself down next to the fuzzy white mass and began scratching Jade behind her ears. “You’re so cute, oh my God. Can you just stay like this all the time? Dave, we could take her home with us! I’ve always wanted a pet.”

            “Okay, okay, let’s not get too excited here, John. I can see you two get the idea.” There was another flash and Jade was back to her usual self, smiling mischievously.  “Seriously, though, I never meant to startle you, Dave. I’m really sorry.”

            “Nah, it’s cool. Why would having some freaky Animorphs shit thrown at me without warning be at all unnerving?” he grumbled, but his words held no real venom.

            “Back to the matter at hand,” Rose said, trying to corral their attention and return it to the proposed trip. “Jade and Dave, I know you’re both familiar with Houston and have a fair grasp of how to get there by car. John and I are not so fortunate, so if you are both amenable to the idea, you two would be the designated drivers.”

            “Sure thing!”

            “As long as I don’t have to pay for gas.” He assented grudgingly. Dave wanted to say no, wanted to tell them that there was no way in hell he would be going back there. But they were all staring at him expectantly; this was his case after all. They were only going to Texas to find out how to help him. His decision was, in no small part, also influenced by the idea of John running off into some unknown danger with just a snarky doctor and a technologically skilled canine to protect him. He would be accompanying them.

            “Of course, I have access to ample funds for transportation and lodging. If you and John want to return to his apartment and pack, Jade and I are ready to leave when you are.”

            Egbert practically leapt out of his chair, tugging at Dave’s arm. “Let’s go right now! I can be ready in like ten minutes and you’re already mostly packed from when you got her. COME OONNNNNN!”

            He laughed at the younger man’s eagerness and allowed himself to be pulled up and towards the door, calling over his shoulder, “We’ll be back, soon. Try to make sure Harley’s gone to the bathroom by then. I don’t want to stop so she can find a nice tree to piss on.”

            As John sprinted around the apartment, throwing books and clothes into a large backpack, Dave stood silent by the door trying to put on a brave face and seem like he was remotely excited. He failed.

            “You’re awfully quiet. Is everything okay?” Egbert was looking at him with concerned eyes, a small frown twisting his mouth.

            “What? Yeah. Everything’s fine. Calm your tits, bro.”

            “Pfft, Dave you are _such_ a bad liar. Seriously, did you learn nothing from last time?”  John had crossed the room and was now standing directly in front of his housemate, peering up accusatorily through thick lenses.

            Mentally cursing himself, Strider caved. “Look, believe it or not I’m not super fucking excited to go back to Houston. I left the city purpose; the entire place is like a gigantic middle finger right in my face. ‘Hey everyone, check out how bad Dave fucked up, God he’s such an asshole.’ Going back will mean seeing our apartment complex, the coffee shop Dirk and I would visit, the club he used to work at…” He pushed back his shades and scrubbed at his face trying to compose himself. “Basically, this is going to blow harder than a downtown Houston whore.”

            John didn’t say a word, just smiled sadly and pulled him into a hug. For an instant, Dave went rigid with surprise, and then he relaxed, awkwardly patting the smaller man on the head.  After several minutes, Egbert pulled away, laughing and rubbing the back of his neck embarrassedly before going back to packing. “Spontaneous bro-hugs aside,” he said as he worked, “I hope you know you won’t be alone. Jade and Rose will be with you. I’ll be with you. You don’t have to deal with it by yourself.”

            His words rang in the older man’s head, “You don’t have to deal with it by yourself.” The idea was foreign to him; Striders did everything alone, never reaching out or accepting help. Then he looked at John, lovingly placing Lil Cal into his backpack before standing and grinning at him, asking if he was ready to go. As he followed the detective out the door, locking it behind him because he knew Egbert would never remember, he decided it was something he could learn to like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 101 Kudos. I am practically glowing with joy over here, seriously I don't even know what you people are thinking. Thank you so much, I love you all.
> 
> Also, I scoured tumblr and found these AMAZING crossover fanarts:
> 
> Dave- http://s3.amazonaws.com/data.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljxrozCrE21qfjrn3o1_1280.jpg?AWSAccessKeyId=AKIAJ6IHWSU3BX3X7X3Q&Expires=1326883117&Signature=%2BIgzCuuksGuV9CBE85jjEAh93oU%3D
> 
> John- http://s3.amazonaws.com/data.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljeyrsTvav1qfjrn3o1_1280.jpg?AWSAccessKeyId=AKIAJ6IHWSU3BX3X7X3Q&Expires=1326883163&Signature=ILL1Cs9WLkPy8qV4f8WJ7NnvtpM%3D
> 
> By: http://heartbrokengirlsketches.tumblr.com  
> If anyone has any other beautiful pictures of my babbies, please feel free to drop a link in the comments so I can cover them with kesses. All the keeses.


	11. In Which John Examines His Feelings

Dave wasn’t a talkative driver, he noticed. John sat with his feet propped on the dash, curled up against the window, watching his roommate steer. The last few days had taken an obvious toll on the older man; there were bags under his eyes and pale stubble growing on his cheeks and chin. His posture was relaxed but it didn’t hide his long limbs and pointed joints, the man was all sharp angles.

            Neither had spoken since they gotten into the car and Strider had asked if his seat belt was buckled. Dave was tapping the steering wheel in perfect time with the mix tape he’d put on, gaze focused on the road, shades pushed up to see more clearly. Normally, the silence would have been a cause for concern, but the blue eyed boy was too preoccupied to prod.

            John was doing some Serious Thinking, turning over the same set of memories, trying to examine them from every angle.  It had started after the ghost had attacked them, when he had regained consciousness in Dave’s arms. The older man had been crying softly, he’d felt hot tears landing on his neck and boney fingers digging into his back where Dave was clutching him. He hadn’t thought about it, instead acting on instinct as he wound his arms around the razor edged shoulders and pulled him closer, making reassuring noises. They’d both been scared and upset and, at the time, being held was what they needed, no big deal.

            He flashed forward to when he’d been trapped in his own head, fighting off the specter. Dave had been the one constant in a place where he hadn’t been able to trust anything. He clearly remembered hearing the white haired man’s voice echo through his mind, and he had clung to it like a lifeline. When he’d thought it was over, that the darkness would take him, it had been Dave’s name he had called, and Dave who had come and saved him. And when he’d finally woken up and seen the red eyes staring down at him, full of concern, the sense of relief he’d felt wash through him was overpowering,

            Then last night, when he’d allowed himself to voice his fears and told Dave that he was free to leave, and he hadn’t. For some reason that was absolutely beyond his ability to comprehend, the older man actually _wanted_ to stay. John hugged his backpack containing Lil Cal more tightly against his chest, flicking another glace toward the driver’s seat.

            Strider’s eyes were distant, crinkling at the corners as he smiled at some private thought. He was humming along with the cassette; the soft harmony lulled Egbert back into his thoughts.

            To John, Dave was perpetually changing and impossible to understand. One second he would be aloof, the next downright friendly. He would swing from unapproachable to gentle in the space of a few words. He couldn’t seem to decide if he wanted to be sincere or completely sarcastic.

And yet… though they’d known each other for less than a week, he trusted Dave implicitly. He was solid, safe. Every time John had been scared or hurt, the older man had been there with an arm around his shoulders or a hand clutching his own. He could chase away doubts with a single half-smile; make him feel like glowing with that lilting chuckle.

But that was half the problem. Dave was so many things; couldn’t decide how to think about him. In some ways, he was like an older brother, giving him a hard time but fiercely protective. In others, he was like the best friend John had always wanted but never had, laughing with him and acting as partner in crime.

Then there was the part of Dave Strider that he didn’t know _what_ to think of. The part that made his heart beat faster and the color rise in his cheeks. The part that made him want to smile perpetually and just keep getting closer. John tried not to think about that part, but it was getting harder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's kind of a short chapter, but I want to give a quick peek into what each of our heroes are thinking before getting to the next Big Development. Hint: There will be trolls.
> 
> As always, thank you all so much. If you have any questions or ideas, I would love to hear them, either on here or tumblr. I LOVE YOU LIKE WOAH.


	12. In Which Dave Reflects

For once, John was completely quiet. Dave didn’t mind the younger man’s frequent chatter; in fact he usually enjoyed just listening to the sound of his voice, but right now he needed to think. While a small part of his brain focused on driving, the rest of it was busy considering the last six days.

            Dave Strider did not easily warm up to people. For the entire twenty eight years of his existence the only person he had consistently been able to tolerate was his brother, and even then it was a stretch. He’d had friends in Houston, but he’d only hung out with them in small doses, doing superficial activities like going to clubs on the weekend. After Dirk’s death, he hadn’t even wanted to do that.

In some ways, his accident had come at the opportune moment, it had given him an excuse to cut all ties and just leave. It had led him to Washington, and forced him to knock on the door of a certain paranormal investigator.

And then John Egbert had wormed his skinny little ass into Dave’s heart and set up shop. The blue eyed boy was everything he wished he could be: brave, trusting, honest. John was wise beyond his years, he understood how it felt to lose someone you loved, but he hadn’t allowed it to ruin him. He looked at the world through a child’s eyes, excited about every new experience and unafraid to show it.

Dave was determined to keep it that way. He would protect the younger male; take as many hits has he had to as long as John wouldn’t have to suffer them. It was rare to find someone who shined as bright as the boy currently sitting in his passenger seat, and it would be a crime to allow that light to go out.

He found it tragic that Egbert was afraid he would leave. As if the older man would be willing to shun the only happiness he’d felt in months. As if he’d ever think of ditching the only person who looked at him with his freaky white hair and hellish red eyes, and didn’t even flinch. No, Dave wouldn’t be going anywhere, not until he’d stopped being able to make those buck teeth flash in a smile.

He needed John more than John would ever need him. He made Dave feel important every time the smaller male would reach for his hand or curl towards him as he slept. Caring for Egbert gave him a purpose, and it was without question a labor of love. He just wasn’t sure what kind of love.

John wasn’t that much younger than he was; only four years separated them, but in so many ways he reminded Dave of a child. Small and delicate, pure as the driven snow, the whole nine yards; Egbert had it all, and the first instinct was to guard and shelter. Then he would remember the fierce look in the electric eyes on the night they had faced down the ghost, no fear or hesitation, just a determination to do what needed to be done. There was nothing childish about him, then. It was those times in which Strider would consider the detective in a more serious light and wonder if the time spent smiling fondly at him sprung from more than just a platonic affection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEXT CHAPTER HAS A KARKAT, GUYS!


	13. In Which Texas Produces Unexpected Results

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously, you guys, fuck this chapter.   
> It's so LONG and I feel like an ass for putting it off.   
> But it's done.
> 
> As always, if you have any questions or comments feel free to drop me a line on here or tumblr. I live off your feedback.

The drive to Texas was uneventful. The two cars communicated through text via John and Rose and ended up deciding to drive the whole way, not bothering to stop for sleep. Instead, they drove in shifts; Dave and Jade at the wheel for most of the journey, only allowing the other two to drive when they were safely on the highway and exact direction wasn’t important.

            When the two vehicles finally rolled into a Quik Trip the occupants were riding on a high born of intense caffeine intake and compounded by a lack of any real rest. As John and Jade filled the gas tanks, Rose and Dave staggered towards the restrooms. When the four regrouped they stared around at each other, taking in the deep bags under eyes and the washed out skin tones.

            “Okay, executive decision over here” Dave announced as he took in John’s sagging shoulders and faltering balance. “We need to sleep, like right now.”

            “As much as I would like to dive right into tracking down the anomaly, I believe Dave is right. We can’t work at our best in this state.” Rose literally had to prop Jade up, the black haired girl leaning her head against the blonde’s shoulder, seemingly dozing where she stood. John gave a vague motion with his arms that they took to mean agreement, and allowed the other male to lead him back to the car and set him in the back seat.

            Dave returned to where Rose and Jade were standing, “There’s a motel right across the street. It’s no five-star resort, but it’ll give us a place to crash and get a shower. My skin feels like it’s encrusted in fucking Dorito powder.”

            “For once I know precisely what you’re talking about. Let’s get our charges to bed, then, shall we?”

            The elder members of the group drove across the road, parked, and practically sprinted into the small lobby to pay for rooms for the next twenty four hours. Room keys in hand, they returned to the vehicles.

            “Egbert? C’mon, man, wake up. I do not want to carry your ass to the room.” Dave shook him by the shoulder until the detective let out a piteous mewl of misery, only half awake. He chuckled at the absurd noise, ruffling the dark hair as John slowly regained consciousness. “Atta boy, don’t forget your bag.”

            Jade and John in tow, Dave and Rose lead the way to two small adjoining rooms. The two girls disappeared behind one door while he and Egbert went through another. Without bothering to change into pajamas, Egbert slumped forward onto the single king sized bed and wormed his way towards the pillows, falling asleep the instant he reached them. Releasing a sigh of exasperation, the older male collected their bags and stowed them beneath the bed before circling around to the other side and yanking down the comforter and sheets. He carefully rolled the sleeping boy over to the empty space on the mattress and pulled the covers back up over his shoulders, tucking them in slightly. Finally, eyes burning with exhaustion, Dave allowed himself to slip under the covers in the area John had previously occupied and close his eyes. The mattress was still warm where the other boy had lain and he curled into the heat as he gave in to his increasingly heavy lids.

            A knocking on the door of their adjoining room woke Dave up. As he dragged himself out of bed and towards the space in the middle of their wall he glanced at the alarm clock, and was startled to find that it was already seven o’clock in the evening. He opened the door to reveal Jade looking at him more brightly than anyone had a right to after such an off-cycle sleeping period. Behind her he could see Rose still sleeping soundly in the girls’ king size, while at the same time Harley was eyeing John. Both beds bore tell tale signs of two people sleeping close together and they locked gazes, wordlessly asking the exact same question.

            Dave merely raised an eyebrow and avoided the potentially awkward moment. “What’s up?”

            “I just woke up a couple minutes ago, I feel much better! But anyway, we should probably get going soon before it gets too dark to get any work done. I just came over to wake you guys up.”

            “Why would you even fucking _do_ that? Seriously, we could just start tomorrow.” He rubbed at his eyes, strongly considering closing the door in her too-smiley face and going back to bed.

            “Come now, Dave, you should be emulating Jade’s work ethic.” Lalonde’s voice carried more than a little sarcasm as she stirred, violet eyes narrowed as she glared at the pair of them. His shoulders sagged as he realized there would be no more rest for him that night, and he turned back to the bed in defeat to wake John.

            Feeling less than charitable, Dave retrieved his pillow and launched it at the sleeping man’s face. Egbert returned to consciousness with a snort and a soft cry of surprise, sitting bolt upright and staring around, his gaze landing accusingly on the other male who was making a weak show of holding back laughter.

            “Dude, what the hell?” he demanded incredulously, crossing his arms as his face crumpled into a mask of halfhearted anger.

            “Quit your pouting, we’ve got places to go, and mom over here says it’s time to wake up.” Dave jerked his head in Rose’s direction, Jade having already gone off to shower. “I’m gonna go get my ablution on, so you have a few minutes to get your shit together. Makes some coffee while you’re at it? Thanks, babe.” He didn’t wait for a response, but winked before grabbing his bag containing a change of clothes and retreating to the bathroom.

            He undressed and cranked the water temperature up as hot as it would go and stepped in, releasing an enormous sigh as the stress worked its way out of his body. His relaxation was short lived however; the shower stall was tiny and more than a little disgusting, and Dave washed as quickly as he was able, trying to minimize contact with the mold that seemed to be growing in the corners.

            He stepped out into the cold air, mood going from bad to worse as he attempted to towel himself off with the woefully inadequate square of thin fabric that the motel provided. Giving up, Dave tugged fresh boxers and jeans over his still semi-damp skin, cringing at the sticky feeling. He had just pulled on a sweatshirt and thrown open the door, prepared to storm into the main room and begin complaining loudly about health violations when he stopped dead.

            John stood directly outside the bathroom, enormous grin on his face as he proudly shoved a steaming mug of coffee into Dave’s face. “I remembered how you like it! All they had was this generic instant brand, but hopefully it tastes okay.” He giggled before adding, “Babe.”

            And suddenly he couldn’t bring himself to give a single fuck about not getting enough sleep or dealing with dirty showers. Dave took the mug, appreciating the warmth of the ceramic, and took a huge gulp. The liquid was still too hot, and it tasted like piss warmed over, but he swallowed and smiled at Egbert. “It’s great man, thanks.”

            The detective gave a small cheer and trotted away, getting a change of clothes and taking his turn in the bathroom. Strider took his coffee outside, retrieving his katana from the car. He had meant to take care of this earlier, but exhaustion had pushed it from his mind. Taking the sword back inside, he checked to make sure John was securely in the bathroom before grabbing the other boy’s backpack and pulling out one of the dozen or so books.

            The night they had dealt with the ghost Dave had been helpless; his only weapon was completely useless against the enemy he was facing. He had decided then and there that he would take a leaf out of John’s book and imbue his blade with a rune that would let him fight. Red eyes scanned the pages, skipping to random words and pictures, not knowing what he was even looking for.

            To his frustration, he couldn’t read any of it. He flipped through the entire thing several times, but it didn’t make any more sense than the first. Tossing it aside, he reached for another one, cracking it open and willing it to be in English. No such luck. Dave went through every book in John’s bag, turning page after page, each time growing more desperate. He reached the last tomb and-

            “What the hell, Dave! What are you doing?!”

            The older man jumped and looked up, unable to keep the guilty expression off of his face. The owner of the bag he had just been rifling through stood at the door of the bathroom, staring at him suspiciously.

            “I… uh… okay, this looks terrible.”

            “Yeah, man, it’s really not cool to go through other people’s stuff. Some of that is private believe it or not.” John crossed his arms over his chest, raising a single eyebrow and giving him a look that said he was entirely unimpressed with Dave’s response.

            “Look, I just wanted to be able to help. You can do your magic stamp bullshit on your hammer and you’re hunky-dory, Jade can probably go all feral werebeast if she needs to, and Rose knows everything about everything. What can I do? What was the point of bringing me along if I’m no good to anyone?” His tone was more defensive than he had intended, but Egbert had caught him off guard and he wasn’t in the mood to fight. Not that he would ever be in the mood to fight with John.

            The younger man’s features softened slightly, and he crossed the room to sit next to Strider. “You’re not going to be able to read them, they’re written in an arcane language, it took me months to learn and I’m still on the basics.”

            “I noticed.” He said, glaring at the leather-bound spines.

            “You could have just asked, you know. Just tell me what you need and I’ll find a rune to suit you.”

            Sometimes he just wished John wasn’t so fucking nice.

            “I want my katana to work. Against everything. I don’t want to have a repeat of the other night where I’m flailing a metal stick around like a flaccid dick, okay?”

            “Oh my God, Dave, why? Why would you even say that?” The blue eyes sparkled as their owner laughed. “Seriously, though, I can do that! Hand me the black book.”

            The white haired man did as he was told, watching John flick expertly through the pages until he found what he was looking for. Holding the page with his thumb he dug in his bag and pulled out a red Crayola marker.

“I need your sword.”

Almost hesitantly, Strider passed him the blade, wondering if he was about to regret this. John looked from the book, to the katana, and back, before uncapping the marker and placing the tip against the hilt, drawing carefully.

At first, the red didn’t even show up against the black leather but after a few seconds the marks began to glow. Dave watched as slowly, slowly, a shape began to form. John’s brow furrowed and the end of his tongue poked out of the side of his mouth as he drew, concentrating intensely on his work until finally, he sat back with a satisfied smile.  The rune was small, shining a bright crimson on the end of the hilt, shaped like a single gear.

“There, that should do it! You’ll be able to use this against non corporeal forms now, but be careful; this rune will make the sword a little more brittle.” He handed the weapon back just as Rose appeared at the doorway between their rooms.

“Are you two about ready to depart? Jade and I have been prepared for some time now.”

Armed with his improved blade, Dave stood. “Let’s do this thing.”

They all piled into Rose’s car, Dave’s being the smaller, shittier option. Harley rode shotgun, giving Rose directions via a small compass looking do-dad she had brought along from Washington.

John and Dave had been relegated to the back, the younger male sitting with his face plastered against the window as he attempted to take in everything about the city at once, while the elder sat folded in half, head in his lap, trying to shut out as much of what they were passing as possible. He knew it wasn’t exactly mature, but he wasn’t about to subject himself to bullshit memories if he didn’t have to.

After about ten minutes of riding thus, Dave felt a warm pressure between his shoulder blades. He turned his head and saw Egbert smiling down at him, one hand reached over to reassure him, the other flashing a thumbs up. He reciprocated the gesture and returned his head to his knees, trying to focus all of his attention on the detective’s touch rather than what might be passing outside the windows.

After an agonizingly long drive they stopped outside an abandoned looking warehouse. The sun had set nearly half an hour ago, and the only light they had to go by was a row of streetlamps almost a block away.

“Wow, this is actually pretty creepy, guys.” Jade said, eyeing the warehouse cautiously.

“Yeah, we are definitely going to die. Or at the very least wake up with our kidneys missing.” Strider was apprehensive, yes, but the weight of his katana in his hand gave him courage enough for this.

“As long as we remain together I don’t see why we should meet anything we can’t handle.”

“All right, Jade, you’re up!” John looked at the dark haired girl eagerly, gripping his hammer in both hands.

Looking almost as excited as the detective, the dark haired girl stepped forward and turned the dial. Just as before there was a brilliant flash of green and the tiny dog stood where she had been an instant before. Almost immediately, she began sniffing rapidly at the ground and, after giving them what they took to be a significant look, she sprinted off towards the direction of the entrance of the warehouse.

Swearing under their breath, the other three followed. Strider took the lead, long legs and years of physical training preparing him for strenuous activity, then came John, spurred on by sheer youthful exuberance, Rose trailed behind, refusing to forgo dignity in favor of speed. DogJade waited just inside the pitch blackness of the warehouse, wagging her tail and yipping at them to hurry.

They gathered there, squinting into the unknown, only the canine seemed to be at ease.

“John, can you make your hammer shine like before?” Strider asked, reluctant to proceed without some sort of visual aid.  

“Yeah, but probably not as bright. I want to conserve power just in case.” After a beat of silence the boy’s makeshift weapon flickered to life, the now familiar shade of blue illuminating the area around them.

“That will have to do, I suppose.” Rose whispered as they stepped forward, JadeDog in the lead.

No one spoke, ears strained for the sound of anything suspicious beyond their circle of visibility. The entire warehouse was silent, save for the scuff of their feet on the bare concrete. The white dog led them deeper and deeper, until the light from the door was completely invisible, then suddenly stopped; heckles raised, a surprisingly deep growl rumbling from her throat.

“Is this it? What did you find Jade?” John breaths, scanning the area for any break in the dark monotony, holding his hammer even higher.

            A voice came from the blackness to their left, low and gravely and completely foreign. “It’s a who, not a what, you stupid fucking piece of shit, and if you have any sense of self preservation stored away in that pink excuse for a think pan, you will turn around and leave before I lose my patience and tear out your gogdamn throats.”


	14. In Which Our Heroes Meet Karkat Vantas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really have much to say about this, other than thank you to everyone who reads/comments/leaves kudos. We haven't even reached the halfway point yet, so I hope you're all in it for the longhaul.

As one, they turned to face the voice. Dave brought his sword up, Jade bared her teeth, both prepared to fight, but the Rose and John held them back. The detective stepped forward just slightly and gave a brave attempt at a friendly smile.

            “Sorry if we offended you… whoever you are. We don’t want to fight or anything; you just kind of startled us.”

            “For people who supposedly don’t want to fight, you nooksuckers sure are armed to the fucking teeth, literally in the case of your pathetic barkbeast lusus.”

            “This coming from the asshole making threats,” Strider muttered, but John silenced him with an elbow to the ribs.

            “We just want to help, okay? Really! Could you maybe come into the light so we can see who we’re talking to?”

            There was a long pause before, “I can’t move, you imbecile. Do you really think that I’d say in a shithole like this if I had a choice? Even I don’t loath myself that much.” The voice was slightly weaker now, and it held less venom than when they’d first heard it.

            “Would you be entirely opposed to the idea of our party approaching you?” Rose’s tone was more gentle than any present had heard before.

            “Like I could fucking stop you.”

            Dave and John lead the group, the younger held his hammer aloft and the older stood ready to defend at the first sign of trouble. Little by little, the cerulean light fell on a black clad, slender form. The first thought running through Strider’s mind was “ _Holy shit his skin is grey_.” but it was almost immediately eclipsed by “ _Fuck that is a lot of blood_.” The man or whatever it was lay propped against several crates, clutching at a wound in its side that was sluggishly leaking bright red liquid.

            Rose pushed her way past the males, scooping up Jade and shoving her into Dave’s arms. “I’m going to say this once and once only, John you stay and provide light, Jade and Dave please retreat and give me some space to work. ” she said, her voice sharp and commanding as she kneeled next to the man, who hissed and attempted to scoot away. The blonde lay a delicate hand on his shoulder, whispering soothing words they couldn’t hear.

            John pushed more energy into lighting his hammer, inwardly wincing at how tired it made him, but visibility was more important than ever. He watched Rose bend over and pull the yellow clawed hand away from the wound to inspect it. The entire time she kept the man engaged in conversation, trying to keep his mind off the pain. He still looked angry and utterly terrified, but he was no longer struggling.

            “Name?”

            “Vantas…Karkat Vantas.” John filed the name away, rolling the syllables over in his mind.

            “And how old are you Mr. Vantas?” She gently prodded at the blood stained clothing until she found the edges where the skin had been torn, and ever so carefully checked the extent of the damage.

            “Agh, fuck, watch it!” He snapped, wincing. “I just turned twelve.”

            “ _Twelve_?!” The detective burst out incredulously, before Rose could stop him. “You are _twelve years old_? With a mouth like that?”

            “Hey fuck you, you buck-toothed offspring of a female barkbeast. I am twelve sweeps, which is a fully mature _adult_. Like I even know what a ‘year’ is. You’re probably making the word up just to fuck with me, because it sounds like an enormous steaming pile of hoofbeast excrement.” Karkat yelled, and it came out as one long and incredibly absurd run on sentence, every word at the same high volume and containing the same amount of contempt and rage. It was truly something to behold.

            Rose was the first to recover from the sonic blast, “John, if you would be so kind as to not to anger my patient any further, it would be much appreciated.” Egbert gaped at her in outrage, while the grey skinned male shot him a smug grin before giving another agonized cry. The blonde had removed a pink scarf from around her waist and pressed it firmly against the wound, holding it there even as Karkat squirmed in discomfort.

            “Dave, do you have anything with which I could bind this in place?”

            “I… uh…”

            “Your belt will do just fine, thank you.”

            “Fuck you too, Lalonde.” Strider replied coolly, but he unbuckled the leather strap and handed it over. She wrapped it around the injured male’s waist, tightening it until the scarf was somewhat stable, then sitting back to assess her work.

            “How does that feel?”

            “Not fucking terrible, actually. So I guess good job. And also, thanks.” Karkat was staring around at them each in turn, suspicion written all over his face.

            “Please save your apologies until we can get you proper treatment.”

            “Woah, woah, listen Doc, let’s not get ahead of ourselves here. I hate to be the asshole at the party, but we can’t exactly just take this guy to the hospital, look at him. You think maybe they would notice that he isn’t exactly fucking normal.”

            “I’m perfectly aware of Mr. Vantas’ special circumstances. I was merely suggesting we take him back to the hotel, should he be amenable to that course of action. I would hate to take him anywhere against his will.”

            While they had been talking, Jade had taken the time to revert to her human form. “Guys, we’re being kind of rude,” she said quietly, glancing at where the stranger lay. “Shouldn’t we just ask Karkat and let him decide for himself?”

            “Oh, look who remembered I could fucking think for myself! Thank God for the freaky-ass animal girl, someone call Nepeta you two would get along swimmingly.” Karkat began to try to stand, using the crates to prop himself up with one arm, still holding the wounded area with his other. He got to his feet and moved to take a step on his own, but stumbled. Before he could hit the ground, John caught him, tugging the grey man’s arm around his shoulders and supporting the majority of his weight.

            “Careful there… Karkat, was it? You’re in pretty bad shape, so let’s just get you back to the car, okay?” The boy asked, and Dave had to physically restrain himself from running over and pushing the non-human away from Egbert. They had no idea what it was capable of, and until they decided if it was friend or foe he didn’t trust it at all.

            “What the fuck is a car?” The grey skinned man demanded, but he didn’t struggle when the group started moving towards the exit of the warehouse.

            It was slow going, but eventually the quintet reached the door and eagerly walked into the open air. Jade ran ahead to get the car and Dave helped John load Karkat into the back while Rose took the wheel once more. The two males sat the stranger in the middle, sitting on either side to help prop him up.

            “So I’m just going to go ahead and assume that you aren’t going to murder me? The gravelly voice was weak as they pulled away from the warehouse, Rose completely disregarding the speed limit.

            “Oh my God, why would you even ask that?!” Jade cried, turning in her seat to look at him.

            “Please don’t try and feed me that feigned ignorance, do I look that incurably stupid to you? I know you saw my blood.”

            “Yeah, and? I’m having some trouble grasping why we should give a single iota of fecal matter about seeing you bleed everywhere other than the fact that it made a goddamn mess of my only belt?”

            Karkat stared at them each in turn, eyes wide as he scrutinized each face for signs of dishonesty, “You really… you’re telling me… you don’t know about the hemospectrum?”

            “Is that a band, or something? What does it have to do with your blood?” John was puzzled, but trying express a level of concern proportionate to the stranger’s obvious anxiety.

            “No, fuck you and fuck this; I literally cannot do this right now. I need to sleep and to eat, and maybe just drown myself.”

            The car fell silent, no one having a clue what to say to fill the awkward silence.

 Rose was worried; she’d treated patients in worse condition but she’d always known something of their anatomy and the nature of their injuries, this was not the case here.

Jade was curious; of all the things she had expected to find when they got to Texas, this had not been one of them, and it caused her to re-evaluate all her theories.

John was excited; sure this stranger seemed like a grumpy guy, but he needed their help and there was always room for a new friend.

Dave was more than slightly suspicious and not at all enthused by the idea of taking a quite possibly dangerous stranger home with them, specifically when it seemed so hostile towards Egbert.

Finally, Karkat was a mess of emotions; scared, confused, angry, hurt, worried, and at the very bottom of the pile in the smallest corner imaginable; hopeful.


	15. In Which Several Completely Unqualified Individuals Perform A Dubious Operation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea why, but I enjoyed the hell out of writing this chapter. Do I have any sort of medical backround? Fuck no, I do what I want.

Back at the motel they checked that the coast was clear before dashing to their rooms with Karkat propped between them. Carefully, John and Dave lay the injured man down on their bed and Rose took charge, barking orders like it was second nature as she removed the belt and the scarf, which were now caked with blood.

“I need something to cut off his shirt with; I can’t treat what I can’t see.” Dave handed over his sword, hilt first, and with Jade’s help, the doctor managed to cut a ragged line up the grey insignia on the front of offending article of clothing. Gingerly, she peeled away the sticky fabric to reveal a small, round hole just under his ribcage. The grey skinned man seemed to have taken a turn for the worst on the way there; he was no longer reacting to their touch and his breathing was becoming increasingly shallow.

Rose looked worried, but her voice was steady when she explained that he had been shot from a distance and that the bullet was still inside. They were going to have to remove it somehow, and the blonde hadn’t brought any of the supplies she would need for an operation of this scale. After some quick thinking, she set an improvised plan into motion.

“Jade, I’m going to need some boiled water, John, fetch me my knitting kit. Dave,” she met his eyes before continuing, expression grave, “I’m going to need you to hold him down.”

They sprung into motion; the needles were acquired and sterilized in the boiling water with antibacterial soap Rose had procured from her bag. As Dave took his place kneeling by Karkat’s head and gripping him by his shoulders, she thoroughly washed the area around the wound, clearing the surrounding skin of dried blood.

A hushed silence fell over the room, only broken by the shuddering breath the doctor took to calm her shaking hands. She leaned over and carefully inserted one thin needle into the wound, cautiously feeling for the bullet before proceeding any further. Karkat convulsed unconsciously, back arching away from the painful intrusion before Dave could force him back onto the mattress.

“You maybe want to hurry this up, Lalonde? I have a feeling shit’s about to get ugly.”

“I would prefer not to damage the surrounding tissue any further. It doesn’t feel like the injury impacted any of his internal organs, but he’s lost a lot of blood.” She withdrew the needle, and looked around at where John and Jade sat clutching at each other’s hands, faces deathly white. “John, you’re going need to hold his legs, this is going to be somewhat agonizing for him, I believe.”

Looking very much like he would like to sprint in the opposite direction, the detective approached the bed and tentatively gripped Karkat’s ankles. Rose nodded before hunching back over, whispering a silent prayer to whoever would listen, and plunging both needles toward where she knew the bullet head was lodged.

Karkat woke up.

“ _AAAUUUHHHGGGG, FUCK STOP, AUGH SHIT._ ” Dave and John struggled to pin him as he wrenched at their grip, every muscle and tendon in his body taught with the effort. Almost instantly, he broke out in a cold sweat, red liquid pooling in his eyes as he struggled to think, or even to breath, past the fire stemming from his injury. “ _WHAT THE HELL, NO DON’T PLEASE, FFFFUUUUUCCCCKK.”_

Rose did her best to ignore his screams, working as quickly and delicately as she could, maneuvering the needles to grasp either side of the offending piece of metal. Once she felt confident in her grip, she pulled straight up. There, glittering red and copper in the dim light of the motel lamp, was the tiny, unassuming projectile.

There was no time to celebrate, however, Rose set her needles as well as the bullet on the bedside table and pressed a towel that had been soaked in hot water against the wound, doing her best to staunch the slow trickle of blood her makeshift operation had started.

“Jade, in my sewing kit there’s a collection of needles and thread. I need you to find the thinnest needle possible and combine it with the thickest thread, then bring it to me.”

The dark haired girl rushed to comply, willing her hands to stop shaking as she struggled to guide the black thread through the impossibly small hole. Finally, she succeeded and tied off the length of fiber before handing the finished product to the doctor.

Karkat had calmed somewhat, breath coming in ragged gasps, glaring up at them through yellow-tinted eyes. Dave locked gazes with him, still leaning all his weight on the thin shoulders, and suddenly felt overwhelming sympathy for the man. “You’ll be okay, it’s almost over.” His only response was a sort nod and gritted teeth.

The grey skinned man let out a tiny whimper as Rose made the first stitch, but from then on remained completely silent. Bony fingers gripped the sheets in a deathlike vice while he forced himself to keep still. Strider gave him an awkward pat on the shoulder in encouragement around halfway through and by then John had all but let go of the skinny ankles. Finally, the blond tied off the last stitch, cut the remaining chord, and sat back.

“It’s the best I can do, I’m afraid. We’ll wrap a bandage around the area to keep it clean and you’ll be sentenced to bed rest until you’ve recovered somewhat.” Trying to hide her trembling hands, she stepped away from the bed and retreated several steps. In the blink of an eye Jade was at her side, hand in the small of the blonde’s back, supporting her as she sagged. It was obvious that the experience had taken almost as much out of Rose as it had Karkat, and the green eyed girl lead her away to lie down.

Dave finally vacated his post at the head of the bed, moving gingerly so as not to jostle the patient. He moved to where John stood looking pale and scared, and wound a comforting arm around the smaller male’s shoulders.

“You did good, man.” He muttered, giving him a reassuring squeeze.

“Do you think?” The tone was doubtful, even disbelieving.

“Yeah, I do. It wasn’t a fun job, but someone had to do it, and obviously Lalonde trusted that you wouldn’t let her down.” John said nothing in reply, instead wrapping his own arms around Dave’s torso and squeezing tight.

They turned to Vantas, who lay there gazing at them with something akin to jealousy on his weary features. “You two are matesprits?” He whispered.

“Dunno what that is, bro, but you shouldn’t be talking right now anyway. The doc said to rest, so you best get to resting.” Strider dislodged himself from Egbert and moved to and moved to the sink, filling a glass with water which he offered to the bedridden male. “Drink. We can’t have you getting dehydrated after all the work we put into patching you up.”

With some difficulty, Karkat sipped down most of the glass before reclining back into the pillows, utterly exhausted.

Dave returned from stowing the empty cup away to find John had dragged a chair to the side of the bed, where he now sat anxiously watching the fitfully sleeping patient. Deciding that he obviously wasn’t going to get any rest tonight, he retrieved a second chair and took up residence next to the detective.

“Do you think he’ll be okay?” A small voice asked, as an even smaller hand slipped into his. Strider squeezed in what he hoped was a comforting way before speaking softly.

“I sure hope so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm always looking for new ideas to incorporate into the story, or even as prompts for completely different fics, so please don't hesitate to come at me on tumblr or on here with any brainbabies you might be carrying around!   
> If you're currently without mindoffspring, don't feel shy about throwing your questions and critiques my way. There's always room for improvement.


	16. In Which A Back Story Is Provided

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully this answers some questions about the roll of the trolls in this story? I'll be clearing more things up as we go along. 
> 
> Thanks again for reading, it means a ton to me!

John and Dave watched Karkat sleep fitfully, waking him if he started lashing out at his dreams (as they soon discovered he was prone to do) to prevent him from ruining his stitches. As the night wore on they would take it in turns to doze on each other’s shoulders, but always after making sure that the other was awake.

            Sometime after one in the morning John sat blinking blearily toward the bed. Strider’s head lolled against him, only kept upright by the hand the detective had wound into his hair. It took him several moments to realize that Karkat was staring at him, wide awake, then he smiled.

            “Hey, what are you doing up?” It came out as barely more than a whisper, not wanting to wake anyone else.

            “It’s kind of hard to get a restful sleep with this gaping wound in my side.” He growled back in the most mild tone he’d exhibited so far and nodded toward Dave. “So what’s the deal with you two? He fled my question before like a terrified squeakbeast confronted with a cat lusus.”  

            John smiled and absentmindedly rubbed the white haired scalp, “Yeah, he can be pretty cagey when he wants. To be honest, I don’t really know what you’d call us. We’re good bros, I guess?”

            The other man wasn’t impressed. “What the fuck is a ‘bro’? I am an _expert_ in troll romances and I can say with utter confidence that I have never heard the term.”

            “I-uh... I don’t think bros are really a romantic thing?”

            “In that case you are doing it wrong. Look at yourselves; this is actually painful to watch. Even Sollux and I aren’t that outstandingly useless.”

            “Who’s Sollux?” He decided to sidestep the awkward line of questioning and divert Karkat’s focus. Sure enough, a distant look crept into the yellow-tinged eyes and an almost-smile tugged at the fanged mouth.

            “My matesprit. He’s a total asshole and lives in a perpetual state of self hatred, but I pity him to death.” Then his face fell. “I haven’t seen him for a while; he just up and disappeared... Come to think of it, I guess I did, too. Man, Aleternia must be getting pretty fucking empty by now.”

            “Alternia? Is that where you’re from?”

            “This is officially the most unbelievably stupid conversation I have ever had. What kind of bulgemunching brain dead embarrassment of a person doesn’t know what Alternia is? We only control the most powerful fleet in the universe.” Karkat’s tone said he was stating the obvious, but John was staring at him with an utterly blank expression.

            “I think… Could you maybe start at the beginning?”

            “That’s an enormously loaded question, if you weren’t already aware. But I guess I can try to just fill you in on the bare minimum,” he shot the detective a contemptuous look. “Try to keep up.”

            Egbert settled in, suddenly wide awake. Karkat lay staring at the ceiling, getting his thoughts in order before beginning.

            “I was hatched in a broodpod with eleven other trolls, each representing a different level of the hemospectrum. We were pretty tight knit growing up, even after grub stage. Or at least as tightly knit as trolls can be without murders getting thrown down left and right. As we reached adulthood we even started grouping off into quadrants, and as pants-shittingly terrifying as it was trying to find a place in society, we were doing alright. Until about half a sweep ago, when everything went to hell.

            Feferi was the first to disappear, not a trace of her anywhere, just… gone. We thought The Condesce had ordered her to be killed, so we didn’t do too much digging. Then Eridan vanished, but it was assumed to be because he was so close to Fef. Gamzee was next, and we didn’t think anything of it because he was due to be snatched up by the Grand Highblood to be trained, anyway. It was only when Equius went missing that we cottoned on, for all the good it did us.

            It was Sollux who figured out that whatever was happening to us was working its way down the hemospectrum. By then there were only four of us left, and Aradia and Tavros had come to stay in the hive Sol and I shared. It was the most out of the way, and we felt like if we could just fucking _see_ each other, literally watch the others, there was no way they could disappear in front of us.

            Sollux was gone a few days later, and I honestly wondered if my thinkpan had rotted and my whole world had been a delusion. I kind of checked out on life, I feel bad about it now, the way I left Aradia and Tavros to deal with shit themselves. They were as freaked out as I was.

            Eventually, it was just me, and I cannot stress it enough when I say that I was terrified to the point of going grubfuck insane. There is no worse feeling than knowing something is going to happen but being powerless to stop it. So I waited, for days, and just when I had reached the stage where offing myself seemed like a pretty excellent idea, I woke up here, in some random back alley. No memory of how I got here, no idea of where to go, I just blinked and my hive was gone.

            I did okay for a few days; moving at night and hiding during the day. Even I’m not enough of a dumbass to draw attention to myself on a foreign planet. But then yesterday I was seen; some douchecanoe noticed me in the exact wrong place at the exact wrong time and felt the need to whip out at gun as fast as possible. Fuck you pink people for shooting without warning, seriously.

            Anyway, I managed to drag my ass to that warehouse where I was fully prepared to die quietly, when you blundering morons stumbled along. The fucking end.” Throughout his entire story, Karkat had spoken with a detached, dispassionate tone, but with each word, his body language had become increasingly withdrawn and defensive.

            For his part, there was a lot John still didn’t understand, but the culture gap wasn’t so wide that he couldn’t see how much it pained the other man to remember his friends, particularly Sollux. He thought about what his Dad would say to him in a time like this, probably a comment about being proud of him, but there would be something else, too. Some key piece of advice or encouragement.

            “Hey, Karkat?” He began, unsure if he was just going to pass out false hope or tread somewhere he had no business treading. “I think they’re still alive. I think if you keep looking you’ll find them again, even Sollux. Maybe they got sent here, the same as you.”

            The scowling face didn’t relax, but there was a slight shift in his eyes to something a little less harsh, a little less wary. “Thank you… John-human.” He growled softly, slipping back into unconsciousness.

            Egbert watched him sleep for a while longer, thinking over everything the “troll” had said. He was unsure how much he believed, the whole thing was pretty far-fetched, from random disappearances to a never before heard of planet. Then again, John hadn’t always believed in fairy tales and magic, but look where he was now.


	17. In Which A Kiss Was A Long Time Coming

The next morning found the four humans and the troll gathered in John and Dave’s room. Jade and Rose had taken over the seats the two boys had occupied during the night and the men lay sprawled on the floor, resting their eyes while Rose finally bandaged Karkat’s wound.

            “I’ve cleaned the area and put some ointment on the dressings, but it’s imperative that you don’t aggravate the wound by scratching or otherwise disturbing it. Furthermore, you’re still on bed rest until I’m confident that you’ve healed. I don’t know anything about the anatomy of your species and I would rather not risk causing further damage through my ignorance.” She was speaking sternly, obviously having recovered her poise after the previous night’s stress.

            “I am perfectly capable of judging my own health without some pasty madwoman telling me what to do, fuck you very much.” For all his harsh words, Karkat’s tone was grateful.

            Ignoring the halfhearted insult, the blonde woman sat back in her chair, legs tucked against her chest, to think.

            John had filled the other three humans in on Karkat’s story, with occasional help from the man himself, earlier that morning. For some reason his explanation struck a chord in her memory, like it should mean something important but she couldn’t fathom what. She turned it over once more, picking apart the separate events.

            Twelve “trolls.”

            Each disappearing at a regular interval.

            Karkat had been last, and he’d ended up in Houston, where they’d found him.  

            Right where the most recent anomaly had shown up.

            And then it clicked, all at once the pieces fell into place and everything began making sense. She sat up suddenly and all four of them turned look at her, but she was already speaking, words tumbling out, hands gesticulating wildly.

            “I can’t believe I didn’t realize this before, it’s so obvious now! Although that’s assuming I am correct, which to be honest I usually am. But, oh, this changes _everything_.”

            “You want to let us in on the big secret, Lalonde? Gotta say, I’m pretty interested in what’s finally gotten your purple panties in a bunch.”

            “Don’t be rude, Dave! I’m sure whatever it is, it’s super important!”

            “Can we all just shut our gaping maws for five fucking seconds and let her speak?”

            There was a brief moment of silence after Karkat’s outburst, four sets of eyes stared at the troll, each harboring equal amounts of surprise and respect. Rose took a deep breath, calming herself and finding the words she needed, before starting again.

            “Thank you, Karkat, please allow me to explain my outburst:

            After hearing the story of how you arrived on earth, the circumstances you and John described seem to fit a particular timeline. If my understanding is correct, each disappearance of one of your friends seems to coincide with the creation of an anomaly, or tear in the universe, in our world. This cannot be a simple event of chance and I believe you, the trolls, caused the rifts.”

             For a long moment there was silence, and then John spoke. “It kinda makes sense, doesn’t it? I mean, we still don’t know what’s causing it, but the two seem pretty obviously related when you put it that way.”

            “This is great, Karkat! It means we might still be able to help you find your friends.” Jade was beaming, hands clapping with excitement.

            Dave still hadn’t said anything, but lay on the dirty carpet lost in thought, insides churning. He looked over as Egbert nudged him, and the detective shot him a “What’s wrong” look. It was funny how easily the younger man read him and had no qualms about sticking his nose into his business. He shook his head, and gestured that he would talk to him about it later; it wasn’t something he wanted to bitch about in front of everyone.

            Never one to be deterred, John stood and walked towards the door, speaking in what was probably the least casual voice anyone had ever heard. “Gee, I think I left something in the car. Dave, do you think you could help me out? But just Dave. Nobody else.” Wincing at how appallingly not subtle that was, Dave rose and followed him, the other three snickering quietly as they left.

            John lead him to a picnic table around the corner of their motel block and sat on top, patting the space next to him, indicating that Dave should sit. He did, and the blue eyes fixed him with a penetrating glare.

            “It’s not good to bottle things up, Dave, tell me what’s wrong.”

            “Seriously, nothing is wrong. It’s the opposite of wrong; things are right as rain up in here.” He looked away, suddenly feeling foolish.

            “You’re a terrible liar, how many times do I have to say that before you just start trusting me?” There was a little edge of hurt in the voice, and suddenly he felt like the biggest asshole this side of anywhere.

            “No, John, I do trust you. It’s just-”

            “Just what? Come on, there’s nothing you could say that would make me think less of you, so spill.”

            “Okay! Look, if Rose is right and Karkat and the other trolls are responsible for the anomalies, then where does that leave me? What about my accident? I expected to come to Texas and find some window or something to another world, not an angry grey dude.” Even as he said the words, he hated them. Hated how weak and selfish it made him sound.

            “Well, we still might be able to find a way to help you. Maybe Karkat and his friends know how to undo whatever it is that they did?”

            “And if they can’t? If I’m stuck like this forever as some reject mutant. Look at me, Egbert.” He tore the shades away from his face and stared at the other man, red eyes bright with the beginnings of tears. “ _I’m a fucking freak._ ”

            John didn’t recoil, didn’t express any of the disgust or fear that Dave felt. Instead, he smiled and reached up to cup the older man’s cheek in one hand. “I don’t think you’re a freak, Dave. I think you’re perfect.”

            And then they were kissing and it was the most glorious thing; John’s hands tangled in Dave’s hair, Dave pulling John against him, both of their eyes shut tight, neither sure what they were doing. Their mouths crashed together in the kind of desperate kiss shared by two people terrified of rejection and abandonment, hoping to God that they weren’t making a mistake in allowing someone else to have their heart.

It could have been only a few seconds, it could have been hours, but when they pulled apart both were breathing hard. Their foreheads rested together, and they stared, afraid to be the first to speak.

Eventually, John said. “Karkat was right, I think. We were doing it wrong.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, but I’ll have to thank him later.”

The younger man let out a nervous giggle as they stood. Inwardly, Dave was just as giddy but he did his best to keep that on lockdown. He had to keep a modicum of cool in his grasp after that pathetic breakdown. Even so, as they walked back towards the room he reached out and look John’s hand, unable to keep a small grin off his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND THEN THEY KISSED


	18. In Which Circumstances Are Unfortunate

In Which Circumstances Are Unfortunate

            They re-entered the motel and were met by a wall of sound. Rose was standing at the end of the bed, arms crossed and expression cool, while Karkat shrieked at her. He was limited in his movements by his injury, but his eyes bulged slightly and his rounded teeth were bared in rage.

            “Fuck you, if you think you can tell me where I can and can’t go. I will not have some dumb human bitch who doesn’t even _understand_ quadrants say that I can’t go after my matesprit because I’m “injured.” He could be dying, he could need my help and, as much of a useless piece of shit as he is, I know he would come for me were the positions reversed.”

            “I’m being completely sincere when I say that I’m not trying to keep you apart, but you are no use to anyone in this condition. Your wound could get infected, you could die, and you can barely move! What exactly was your plan of action?” She used the tone one employed when talking to a petulant child, patient and just slightly condescending.

            “I don’t know, okay?! But I can’t just sit here and do nothing; I’ve already fucked up so much, I can’t miss what might be the only opportunity I have to set things right.” He was struggling to sit up, face screwed up with the pain and effort it was taking, before Jade was by his side in a flash. She scolded him as she shoved him back into a horizontal position, and it was only then that anyone noticed the two males standing awkwardly by the door.

            “So… what the hell happened.” John looked from Rose, to Karkat, and back, eyes concerned behind the thick lenses.

            “I could be asking you the same thing, fucknuts.” The troll snapped, looking pointedly at their entwined fingers. Jade made a noise that sounded suspiciously like “awww” before clapping her hands over her mouth as Dave leveled an irritated gaze her way. Rose was silent, looking entirely unsurprised, but there was a sadness and worry in her eyes as she glanced at them, specifically at Strider.

            The younger man seemed completely oblivious to the blonde’s probing gaze as he gave a shy smile to the room at large, “I, uh, guess we’re kind of a thing?” He said it as a question, looking up at him for confirmation.

            “We’re getting married, I just proposed.” He deadpanned, causing John to sputter but he continued before anyone could interrupt. “But seriously, what’s the deal with Vantas? He was making a serious effort to simultaneously blow my eardrums and his vocal chords when we walked in.”

            “Karkat is just pissy because Rose said he couldn’t run off on his own to look for Sollux and his other friends.” Jade explained, slapping a hand over the grey skinned man’s mouth just as he’d sucked in a breath to start shouting.

            “Dude, that’s just stupid. You wouldn’t be able to find them without us anyway.” The detective’s tone expressed just how unimpressed by the troll’s plan he really was.

            “That’s essentially what I tried to tell him, but he doesn’t seem to want to hear it.”

            “I am _right here_. I can hear everything you are saying.” It seemed that Karkat had finally removed Jade’s hand from his mouth, and his words were spilling forth at a volume born of desperation rather than rage. “And yes, I realize that I’m not in ideal condition, and I know that I’m unprepared, but Sollux has been here for at least three months, the others for even longer. I could barely make it a week before I was on the brink of death and I’d be a fool to assume that they’d do any better, which is why I have to go _now._ ”

            “Everyone just shut up and think about this logically for one second; the main thing here is that he can’t move around a ton, right? What if we just laid him in the back seat and let him chill there?”

            “Dave, that’s no place for a recovering patient! He needs to be in a stable and relatively clean environment.”

            “Actually, Rose, I hate to be the one to point this out, but we really should be going soon. The longer we wait the more faint the other signals get.” Jade smiled apologetically, as she added. “Dave’s plan might be the best option we have.” The blonde sagged in defeat, before throwing up her arms in frustration.

            “Fine! I’m just the only one with any medical knowledge whatsoever, but why would anyone listen to me?” She stalked into the girl’s room as the others began making plans to pack up and head to the next location, all except for Dave. He detangled his hand from John’s, planting a kiss on the younger man’s forehead before hurrying after Rose.

            He closed the door separating the rooms and turned to her. “You alright, Lalonde?”

            “I’m just fine; whatever gave you the impression that I would be otherwise?” She took a seat on the bed, posture perfect, seeming completely unruffled.

            “Cut the shit, I saw your face. Do you have a problem with John and me?”

            For a long time she was quiet, looking for once like she was struggling to find the right words. “It isn’t that I have a problem with you and John in a romantic relationship, on the contrary, I find that you balance each other out very well. My concern lies with the circumstances of your getting together.”  Dave moved to sit next to her as she spoke, regarding her coolly. “Right now, you two are being forced together by this case and by your accident. If we solve it, and you return to normal, would you stay?”

            He opened his mouth, outraged that she would even suggest such a thing, but she cut him off. “Even worse, if we _don’t_ manage to undo whatever it is that Karkat’s arrival did, you’d remain, essentially, immortal. Even if you did stay, it would only end with you being forced to watch John grow old and die without you. This is something you need to consider.”

            “I care about him, Rose.” His voice was barely audible as her words sunk in.

            “I don’t doubt that for a second, and it is for that precise reason you need to think about all the implications of such a relationship. I am by no means telling you to end things; I just want you to be fully prepared for potential hardships, so that neither of you end up with broken hearts when it could have been prevented.” She pat his hand gently and stood. “I care very much about John Egbert, we’ve been like family since his father died, and I would be most displeased if you hurt him.”

            With that, she was gone, leaving Dave alone with his thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really just need to get on with the fucking plot. God.


	19. In Which John Overcomes Insecurity And The Group Begins A Journey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, wow, sorry about the long break. I just got caught up in writing other things, and I feel hells of bad about it. But I'm back now!

The moment Dave reentered the room John saw that something wasn’t right. The white haired man’s brow was furrowed just slightly in the way it did when he was thinking about something unpleasant. He was torn between hurrying over to ask what was wrong, and wanting to allow Dave to have his distance. To be entirely honest, he wasn’t sure where he stood with the older man; obviously their relationship was no longer strictly platonic, but that still left so much open to interpretation.

            What if Dave wanted to do the whole “friends with benefits” thing? Or he wanted to be in an open relationship? That was a thing people did, right? The detective wasn’t sure if he was entirely comfortable with either of those options. He had never been in a real relationship before, not really, but he at least knew that he wanted them to be exclusive. Like boyfriends; or even regular friends that held hands and sometimes kissed. That would be alright.

            So he stood, weight distributed between his front and back foot, stuck mid-step as he struggled to decide. Dave ended up choosing for him as he strode across the room to join the group.

            “What did I miss?” he inquired, his tone making it clear that he did not want him to ask him what had gone on in the other motel room. For now, John would comply with this wish.

            “Jade and I were just talking to Karkat about the best way to disguise him. We can’t exactly take him all over the country looking like that; he’d draw way too much attention.” He fidgeted with the hem of his sweater, unsure of what to do with his hands or how to stand or whether or not he should make eye contact. Why was being around Dave suddenly so hard for him? The other man’s hand was just _hanging there_ and under normal circumstances it would have been so easy to just reach out and take it, but now things were so fucking awkward. God, why did he have to pick now to be a social failure?

            Dave didn’t seem to notice a thing, “So? What’s the plan?”

            “Our best bet is to just bundle him in sweatshirt, pull the hood up, and slap some shades on him. He looks human enough so that people won’t look too closely, I hope.” Jade piped up, squinting at Karkat as if trying to imagine him in the aforementioned ensemble.

            “I just won’t leave your four wheeled self propelled transportation device; no one has to see me. You’re making this more complicated than it has to be.” The troll groused, rolling his eyes in an exaggerated movement.

            They continued this back and forth, hammering out the last details so that both parties would be satisfied, but John paid attention to very little of what was said. Most of his focus was devoted to trying to work things out in his head.

            Dave didn’t seem all that uncomfortable. He was relaxed, or as relaxed as he ever was, nodding along with Jade and Karkat’s conversation, completely oblivious to the younger man’s inner turmoil. Ugh, this was stupid; he was probably over thinking things. All he had to do… was just reach out… and take his hand.

            There. That wasn’t so hard. Strider hardly seemed to notice, taking just enough time to flash him a small half-smile before continuing to speak. “That’s all well and good, but in case you forgot, he doesn’t even have any clothes. Rose took care of that.”

            “That’s why you’re going to lend him some.” The blonde woman finally entered the conversation, as if she’d been waiting for just this opportunity. She held Dave’s bag in one hand, rooting through it with the other for a suitable article of clothing. She pulled out a grey zip up hoodie and a red t shirt and threw them towards Karkat. “These ought to do.”

            “Okay, wow, fucking enormous invasion of privacy aside, if you get blood on my shit I’m going to find a way to make you pay.” He shot up two middle fingers, yanking John’s arm along with him, but both Rose and Karkat ignored him.

            With Jade’s help, the troll managed to shuffle into the shirt, blanching slightly at the color, before he pulled on the hoodie and promptly zipped it up. “Okay. I’m ready. Can we go now?”

            “Wait, we’re leaving today?” John was surprised, he figured they’d be hanging around for a few more days, letting Karkat rest and mapping out their next move.

            “Where have you fucking been for the past fifteen minutes, Egbert? Did nothing penetrate that vacant expression you seem to constantly have plastered onto your face?”

            “Dude, your Napoleon Complex is showing and it ain’t pretty. You don’t have to go bashing my boy John just because you destroyed his eardrums with your incessant shouting. Now be a good little troll and shut your goddamn mouth before I come over there and shut it for you.” Dave’s voice was mild, but there was a steely glint in his eyes and his hand tightened around John’s almost imperceptibly. Karkat glared at the white haired man, but said nothing more and Jade used the silence to answer John’s question.

            “We decided to leave now, rather than later, because like Karkat said, we don’t really have time to waste. The signals will only get weaker as more time passes, and if we lose them altogether, finding the rest of the trolls will be nearly impossible!”

            “It’s early yet; we can make good progress today if we leave shortly. Is everyone caught up? Yes? I’ll go check us out.” Rose stood and swept from the room, leaving the other three humans to scurry about, throwing clothes and toiletries into their bags, checking and double checking to ensure they’d left nothing behind.

            Dave went outside to unlock his Camry, opening the back door and checking to ensure the coast was clear before going back inside to help John carry Karkat to the car. They carefully maneuvered him into the back seat and he laid horizontally, his small stature allowing him to fit. Returning to the hotel room, they tore the sheets off the bed that Karkat had lain on, not wanting the spots of blood to give them away, before grabbing their bags and heading to the car.

            Jade stood leaning against the passenger side door of her own vehicle, watching as Rose crossed the parking lot on her return from the office. The blonde rejoined them, spreading a roadmap out on the hood of Dave’s car.

            “The closest signal is coming from this location.” She pointed to somewhere in the middle of Arizona, near Flagstaff. “It isn’t the oldest anomaly, but it’s more efficient to investigate the nearest irregularities rather than waste time on travel.”

            “Fair enough, did you guys want to take front car or are Egbert and I gonna take the lead?”

            “It would be better if Rose and I did, probably. If something goes wrong or something unexpected happens, we can warn you guys before you run in there with Karkat in the car.”

            “Good call. Alright, let’s get this show on the road!” John was excited. The prospect of a journey, even one as ill planned and potentially dangerous as this one, was thrilling and he was eager to get on with it. The investigator didn’t hesitate this time when he reached for Dave’s hand. He tugged, grinning, leading him back to the Camry, and the older man returned the smile.

            “Suddenly you’re Mister Eager Beaver, Jesus, is this the part where you kick the troll out of my back seat and ravish me?”  Dave raised a single eyebrow as John opened the passenger seat, fully intending to get in. The moment he registered what Dave had said, however, he paused.

            “Of course not!” He laughed, then rose on his tip toes to whisper, “I prefer to do my ravishing in a more private place.” As he pulled away, he planted a chaste kiss on the older man’s cheek, smirking at the surprised and slightly flustered expression on Dave’s face. Before he could respond, John ducked into the car and shut the door, congratulating himself on a job well done.

  _I can totally do this thing, this “relationship” thing. It’s not that hard._


	20. In Which An Agent Investigates

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's a shorter chapter, but I think it's better that way.

FBI Senior Field Agent Jack Noir stepped out of his nondescript black car, in his nondescript black suit, and pulled out his very _non_ -nondescript .45 pistol. Everything about the man said cold and hard; from his finely pressed clothing, to the rigid way he held himself, to the thin white scar that slashed through his eye down the left side of his face. Noir very deliberately gave the impression that he was not someone to be trifled with, even less so on this particular day.

            Texas was fucking hot, hotter than any place had a right to be, and the fact that he was wearing a classy two-piece wasn’t helping. He had considered dressing down to accommodate the weather, but he had an image to uphold, particularly on this case.

            The higher ups had sent him to Houston to investigate the source of the latest in a series of strange energy signals. It had taken the Bureau’s top scientists ages to discover a way to locate each spike, and even now their ability pinpoint was imprecise. Somehow, their bumbling had led him to this abandoned-looking warehouse.

            After scanning the parking lot once more to ensure he was alone, Noir slipped into the warehouse, much preferring the cool darkness of the interior to the bright, humid, heat outside. He closed the door behind him, gun at the ready, listening hard for any signs of life. They had told him when they’d assigned the mission; they hadn’t the slightest clue what might have caused such an intense and foreign spike of energy, but the mystery had only made him want the case even more.

            As he crept through the shadowed stacks of crates and shelves he clicked the safety off the pistol. It wouldn’t do to be caught unawares only find himself unable to shoot the problem. Rounding a corner, he stopped short.

There was a large puddle of a dark liquid in the middle of the floor, surrounded by footprints that seemed to be a result of several persons stepping in the liquid and trailing it behind them. He knelt to examine the pool, dipping his index finger into the liquid and bringing up to eye level. No doubt about it: this was blood, and anyone or anything that had lost this much shouldn’t be going anywhere under their own steam.

Noir spun around searching for the source of the liquid, but it was a hollow gesture. The footprints would suggest that there had been more than one person here at some point, and it was probable that whoever had been with the injured party had removed them from the premises. Firmly believing it was better to be safe than sorry, he gave the rest of the warehouse a cursory search, before accepting that there was no one there.

He pulled out his cell as he stepped back into the sunlight, pushing the speed dial and bringing it to his ear. He spoke as soon as the recipient picked up. “Mr. English? There’s no one here. Signs point to several people, one injured badly.”

A deep, rasping voice came through from the other end. “Any trail left behind?”

“No, sir.”

“Very well, report back to your informant and they’ll feed you the next location. I expect you to be on the trail again by tomorrow morning.”

“Of course, sir.”

“Don’t let me down, Jack. I’d hate it if you disappointed me.” The line went dead, and he jammed the phone back into his pocket, scowling. Fuck English and his superior attitude. That fat bastard was lucky he loved his work; otherwise there’d be nothing to stop him from delivering a bullet up his oh-so-smug ass.

Climbing back into the car he mulled things over. Something nagged at his guts, telling him that English and the other upper levels were hiding crucial information. Unfortunately he had no way of discovering what that might be. He pulled out of the parking lot, thinking perhaps Droog would be able to shed some light on the situation.


	21. In Which Three Men Share A Cramped Car

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took entirely too long to update and I sincerely apologize.   
> I still love you guys.

“Dude, John, you maybe want to slow the fuck down? Ever heard of something called a goddamn speed limit?”

“Nope, sorry, I probably left that knowledge back with my vagina.”

“What’s a vagina? Is that some sort of human carrying container?”

“No, Jesus Christ, why would you say that?”

“Haha, oh my god Karkat, you dumbass. Okay, basically, the vagina is part of the female reproductive system. Dave and I don’t have one. Or at least, I don’t.”

“Fuck you, Egbert. I just don’t want to fling myself towards an early death as a result of your inability to regulate how heavy your foot is on the accelerator.”

“Wow, Strider, he sure has you pegged. It’s painfully obvious who wears the armored leg braces in this relationship.”

“You completely screwed up that metaphor, man. I think you meant to say _I_ wear the pants.”

“No I didn’t mean to say that, you brain-dead shitstain.  Both of you are wearing pants, why the hell would I even bother pointing that out? _Dave_ is the one wearing the armored leg braces because he’s constantly getting his feet swept out from under him. It’s not a hard concept to grasp.”

“I think he just insulted both of us in the same breath.”

“I’ll get the whoopin’ stick.”

The drive to Arizona was loud, to say the least. The blare of the radio was just background noise to the near constant bickering that inevitably sprang up between the three men. Karkat, it seemed, was never pleased. He complained about everything from the lack of sustenance other than junk food, the type of music they played, and especially about how painfully unintelligent they were. The only thing that seemed to pacify him was coffee. Neither John nor Dave could tell if it was the taste, or if caffeine had the opposite effect on trolls as it did on humans, but they kept a steady stream of the stuff flowing into him from countless gas stations along the way.

For his part, Dave had allowed John to take the wheel after their first restroom break, and had regretted it ever since. It wasn’t as though the detective was a poor driver; on the contrary, he paid more attention to the road than Dave himself normally did. It was just that he drove so. Fucking. Fast. Not in cities, or suburbs, or even small towns, but the instant they reached the highway, the younger man floored that bastard like it was going out of style and any mention of slowing down was met with ridicule. It was enough to make him clutch the edge of his seat until his knuckles had gone white.

John, on the other hand, was having the time of his life; out on the open road with his favorite people, hurtling into the great unknown. This was much more like the life he’d imagined when he’d decided to become a Paranormal Investigator. Dave was his helmsman, fielding texts from Rose or Jade in the car ahead of them, relaying directions or passing on plans to stop for gas or food. Karkat reclined in the back seat, keeping an incessant stream of increasingly colorful observations that the two humans found hilarious. The troll didn’t seem to appreciate their sense of humor however, and while John made an attempt to restrain himself, Dave took every opportunity to antagonize.

“John, are we there yet?” This was at least the seventeenth time Strider had asked, and he was starting to suspect that the man was doing it just to get on his nerves. There was something almost _too_ careful about the way he kept his tone neutral that told him Dave knew exactly what he was doing. That said, he hadn’t risen to the bait so far, and he didn’t plan to start now.

“I dunno, you tell me! You’re the one who’s supposed to be keeping track of directions and everything. Do you mean to say you failed to fulfill the one tiny responsibility we gave you?” He grinned as the white haired man rolled his eyes and sighed.

“Of course I’m on top of it, Egbert, way to take a lighthearted comment too seriously.”

“Do I look stupid to you? Don’t answer that, actually. What I’m trying to say is that I’m onto you; I’ve been through enough road trips with my Dad to know the “are we there yet” line.”

            “You’ve just been outsmarted by the slowest creature I’ve ever come across, Strider. Do us all a favor and kill yourself honorably. It’s the only way we can salvage a shred of dignity.”  

            “That implies you had any dignity to begin with, and from here that seems pretty unlikely.”

            “Says the asshole resorting to attempting to trick his own matesprite for shits and giggles.”

            John laughed quietly as they bantered, hand finding Dave’s where it rested on the storage compartment near the clutch. Almost unconsciously, the older man wove their fingers together as he turned to flip Vantas the bird, rush of insults never faltering. Smiling faintly, the detective squinted out the windshield, trying and failing to see past the dim glow of his headlights.

They were supposed to be looking for a campground motel thing that Rose had Map Quested at the last stop. Their little caravan hadn’t quite reached flagstaff yet, but this time they were determined to do their searching during the day, rather than go wandering into more abandoned buildings in the pitch blackness. They might not be as lucky as they were with Karkat for a second time running.

            A little ways ahead John could see the red glow of the tail-lights of Rose’s car, and he followed them blindly. To either side of the nearly empty road was a wide expanse of dark desert, punctuated occasionally by a rabbit or antelope darting across the road and bounding away, melting back into the blackness. If he was being honest with himself, John wasn’t a big fan of the southwest. He preferred the rich forests and plentiful foliage of Washington. The landscape here just seemed too… empty.

            He gave Dave’s hand a gentle squeeze to get his attention, and the back and forth between Karkat and the older man broke off. “Sup, John?”

            “Jade just threw the turn signal on; I think we’re almost there.”

            “About time, I am nigh on the verge of a breakdown. Much longer in the car with this chump and you’d have to find yourself a new partner.”

            _Partner,_ John thought to himself as he turned down the side road after Rose’s car, _I like that._ The term was appropriate; it encompassed their friendship, their relationship, and their case interactions all at the same time, and he found it comforting to have a name to put to all these feelings.

            Dave’s phone buzzed, and he picked it up with his free hand, read the new text, and spoke. “Rose is getting a couple rooms, apparently they’re pretty dismal.”

            He shrugged, “As long as it’s clean enough to have Karkat lay down, I’m not picky.”

            “Don’t worry your empty little head, Egbert. Frankly, I’d lay down on a pile of excrement if it meant I could get some fucking sleep.”

            The rooms were indeed dismal; the wallpaper was peeling, the carpet was gray, and the two twin-sized beds in each room each sported suspicious stains, but they were too tired to care. John and Dave settled Karkat on one mattress, leaving Rose to change his bandages as they went to join Jade where she stood pouring over the map.

            “We’re about twenty miles outside of Flagstaff. We should get there tomorrow morning and have plenty of time to poke around.”

            “You’re up for doing your whole Scooby-Doo routine, Harley?”

            “It shouldn’t be a problem! I just need a good night’s rest and I’ll be ready for anything.”

            “I think the same goes for all of us. Driving is way more strenuous than it should be.”

            “That’s because you drive like a goddamn mad man.”

            At that moment, Rose approached quietly from where she’d settled Karkat down for the night. “He’s in more pain than he’d ever let on, but the wound doesn’t seem to be infected, so for now I’ll count it as a victory.”

            “He’s asleep?”

            “He passed out almost the instant I was finished tying off the bandages. I suggest that we follow suit.”

            There was a round of nodding and murmured goodnights before the girls departed to their room and John and Dave retreated to the single bed left. The two men collapsed, still fully clothed, pausing only to kick off their shoes as they burrowed under the covers. Distantly, both realized that there hadn’t been any question of whether or not they would be sharing their sleeping space; it had been an unspoken assumption, and that was kind of awesome.

            They curled together, John’s head tucked under Dave’s chin, Dave’s arm slung over John’s waist. Their fingers laced together loosely, and the older man pressed a kiss against the dark hair. “G’night, John.”

            “G’night, Dave”

            Two pairs of eyes slipped shut, and two breathing patterns slowly evened out.

            Across the room Karkat Vantas lay glaring up at the dark ceiling, feeling bitterly alone.


	22. In Which Two Old Friends Reunite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the inconsistent update schedule, things have been really hectic lately. Fortunately, it appears to be settling back down and I should be able to make them more frequent! 
> 
> Thanks again for sticking with me. <3

The half our drive into the outskirts of Flagstaff the next morning was subdued. They rose before the sun, wanting to check out and get back on the road with plenty of time to search the city thoroughly. No one spoke much as they cleared out of the hotel room, John and Dave helping Karkat into the back of the Camry once more as the girls loaded into their vehicle.

            Each was lost in their own thoughts; Karkat more than anyone. The troll was torn. There was an undeniable part of him that wanted Sollux to be the one represented by this dot on the map. What kind of matesprit would he be if that wasn’t his first line of thinking? But then came the guilt. What about the others? Just because they weren’t in his quadrants didn’t mean they weren’t worth saving. He should be making the same effort regardless. Fuck, it was so frustrating to be limited like this; relying on the charity of strangers, always having to stay hidden, practically crippled by the hole in his gut. It was such a tiny injury, how the hell did it manage to hurt to the point of being debilitating?

            The rest were going over their preparations. Dave had ensured his katana was available, sharpened with the rune still glowing brightly on the hilt. John had checked and double checked his bag for his hammer, as well as several books he felt might come in handy in a pinch. Rose had thought it prudent that she come prepared for any medical emergency this time around, first aid saved lives after all. And Jade was absorbed in her anomaly detection device, making last minute tweaks to ensure it was accurate.

            The little contraption led them to a park on the northern edge of Flagstaff. It was overgrown, weeds and tall grass obscuring anything that wasn’t paved and enormous trees breaking up the waves of color that were the Arizona sunrise.

            Jade took the form of the small white dog and led the group slowly through the reeds. Visibility was limited, and with the added complication of assisting Karkat through the uneven terrain the group moved at no more than a crawl. More than once, they lost sight of Jade as she darted through the grasses, and they were forced to call her back before they lost her completely.

            As they moved deeper they began to hear things; the rustle of grass, the snap of a twig, and, once or twice, the sound of sharp and labored breathing. Each time, they would move to investigate the noise, and each time they would find nothing.

            “We’re going in circles guys, this is getting fucking stupid.” John hissed as he adjusted his grip around Karkat’s torso, arms growing tired from holding him up.

            “I’m sorry! It’s just so frustrating.” Came Jade’s barking voice, “The scent is everywhere! I can’t pinpoint it so I’m stuck picking a direction and hoping for the best.”

            “Listen people, I cannot stress enough how careful you need to be. None of us are exactly helpless, but there are some that wouldn’t hesitate to kill you before you even knew they were there. Right now you’re the enemy, so keep your shit together.” Karkat’s words came out strained and labored, and there was a thin film of sweat on his brow. This exertion, combined with the ever increasing heat of the day was taking its toll on the still-healing troll.

            “Relax, Vantas, we can handle ourselves, believe it or not.” Dave grumbled from the grey-skinned man’s other side. The hand that wasn’t attached to the arm propping up Karkat settled restlessly on the hilt of his sword, clenching and unclenching as if to remind himself it was there.

            Rose stepped forward to force a bottle of water against her patient’s lips. “Drink; you need to stay hydrated. I knew it was a bad idea to allow you to accompany us on this excursion.”

            “We went over this, you dim, self-important female woof-beast. You need me. I can talk to them, whereas they’d never listen to a word you said. The only reason you could even approach me in that warehouse is because I was making an effort of biblical portions to bleed out on the floor.” He snapped after accepting a small swallow of the liquid.

            In the brief silence, the snap of a twig cracked like a shot from the area just to John’s left. There was a _whooshing_ noise, the sound of something sailing through the air.

            It happened faster than the eye could follow, a single blink and Dave was gone from Karkat’s side, reappearing in front of John with his feet planted and his sword raised horizontally above his head. The clash of metal against metal rang out, sparks flying as a short blade slid along the edge of his katana, halting only an inch above his and John’s heads.  

            A mere foot away from Strider stood a woman, grey skinned, eyes hidden behind bright red glasses, teeth bared in a predatory grin. She had the upper hand, using her weight to force her weapon, and in turn her opponent’s, slightly lower.

            Dave grit his teeth, muscles straining to halt the southward movement. One hand groped behind him to shove John out of range, the detective having been shocked into inaction. His strength was flagging; the angle she’d trapped him in was awkward and prevented him from adjusting his stance and he wasn’t sure how much longer he’d be able to stave her off.

            “Terezi! No!” Karkat shouted from where he stood next to John. The woman’s head turned, and in that moment of distraction Dave took his chance. With a swift flick of his wrist, he twisted her blade up and away, laying edge of the katana at her throat.

            “That was fucking rude.” He growled, breathing hard, face contorted with rage. “You could’ve hurt somebody.” The mental image of what might have happened if he hadn’t managed to stop the attack in time flashed unbidden through Dave’s mind. John hadn’t even noticed it coming.

She completely ignored him, head still turned to face the other troll. “Karkat?” her voice came out soft and unsure. “It sounds like you, but you smell just like them.”

He crossed to her, slapping Dave’s sword away and scowling at him. “It’s me, Rez. You’re safe okay?”  

She reached out to touch his face, his hair, his horns, then pulled back and punched him across the jaw. “I’ve been here for a quarter of a sweep!” She was screeching, furious and slightly deranged. “In this shitty place where everyone smells the same and it’s hot and loud and crowded and you don’t even have to be _doing_ anything for someone to try and cull you! You said you’d get us back. You promised!”

“I’m here now, aren’t I?!” He shot back, rubbing the spot where she’d hit him.

“With _them_ ,” Terezi spat, pointing in their general direction. “Where are the others? Why aren’t they the ones helping you?”

Karkat shifted uncomfortably, clutching at the wound in his side after the strain of walking by himself. “You’re the first I’ve found, okay? Things kind of went to shit; Sol was on the verge of figuring everything out, but he disappeared before the last pieces fell into place. Tavros and Aradia went the same way, and finally me. We’re all here, Terezi. It’s just a matter of finding everyone and, because fate is a sick fucker, those assholes you were attempting to bisect can make that happen.”

There was a long silence, the humans off to one side watching with rapt expressions. Dave’s hand still gripped the hilt of his sword, ready to strike at a moment’s notice, while John finally had the presence of mind to get his hammer out. The two men stood side by side, planting themselves between the unarmed Rose, who held a growling dog-Jade in her arms, and the two trolls.

 Karkat and Terezi faced each other, seeming for all the world to be in the middle of an intense discussion, though no words were being exchanged. Finally, she nodded. With a snap, she stowed her blade in a thin white sheath, concealing the weapon in what appeared to be a sort of cane.  

“Alright. There’s no point in holding a grudge right now, it won’t help us get home any faster. But I won’t forget this Karkles; justice never forgets.”


	23. In Which Concerns Stack Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.... here's a chapter.

The tiny clearing was silent as the two groups, humans and trolls, regarded each other. Karkat and Terezi stood side by side, one with an expression of irritated anxiety, the other sporting a manic grin, staring sightlessly into the distance. The humans were clustered together, Jade having resumed her human form, all looking at the newcomer with a mixture of suspicion and anger, none more so than Dave.

            “Not that I’m anything less than thrilled that we found one of your pals, Vantas,” he began, voice thick with sarcasm, “but I can’t say I’m real keen on the idea of  taking in some crazy bitch who just made a sincere attempt on the life of my bro here.”

            Karkat bristled, opening his mouth to retaliate, but Terezi got there first. “Relax, CherryEyes, I wouldn’t have actually hurt him! I needed collateral, a hostage if you will, before I risked approaching you. I find it’s best to strike first.”

            Strider was less than impressed by the explanation and hand moved automatically to the hilt of his sword, lip curling in anger. Rose beat him to the punch.

            “Karkat, do you vouch for this woman?”

            “Are you kidding me? Does it look like I’m in any sort of position to be keeping her in check?” The troll scowled, one hand clutched to the wound in his side, breathing slightly labored.

            “We need a guarantee that there will be no more near misses, regardless of motivation, towards myself or the others”

            “Are all humans this uptight, Karkles? I was only looking out for my own safety, but fine! I promise I’ll behave like a good little wriggler.” She punctuated the statement with a grin, showing off every one of her overly sharp teeth.

            It wasn’t much, but they couldn’t afford to wait around for something better. Karkat was looking worse with every passing moment, overheated and weak, so it was agreed that the blind troll could come.

            John and Jade stood side by side with the wounded troll, supporting him on the return to the car. Rose took the lead, guiding them through the tall grass with sure feet and light steps. Dave had insisted on taking the rear with Terezi under the guise of “guiding” her along. In reality, he point blank refused to allow her out of his sight. There was just something slightly… off about her and until he could pinpoint what that was, he didn’t trust her as far as she could see.

            Mere minutes into the trek, she broke the silence. “So what’s your story, CherryEyes?”

            “Don’t have one.” He paused for a beat before asking, “How d’you know what color my eyes are?” He’d been careful to keep them covered when out in public, and now was no exception.

            “I can _smell_ them, idiot. How else do you think I can get around, do you see me using this cane?” She brandished the white staff at him, then grinned. “I could taste them, too, if you’d let me close enough.”

            “Wow, fuck no. Back off crazy.” Dave jerked away automatically, then felt foolish immediately after. He had no reason to be frightened by her, or even intimidated; it was broad daylight, she was vastly outnumbered, and he was easily a match for her in a strife from what he’d seen earlier. And yet… He already knew she was a force to be reckoned with.

            She cackled madly, looking utterly delighted by the insult. “I’m not crazy. Or at least, I’m sane enough to know you’re lying. Everyone has a story.”

            “Nope, not me. Born without one, would you believe it? The Doc says there’s no cure.”

            “You joke, but I can smell your sadness.” 

            “What?” He kept his voice flat, but couldn’t help but shoot a sidelong glance at her, half believing it despite himself, but she merely laughed again.

            “Wow, you’re pretty fucking gullible for someone who tries to come off as always being in control; don’t believe everything a strange alien girl tells you.” Terezi turned to face him as they emerged into the parking lot, still mostly empty due to the early hour of the day. “You gave yourself away, though, Mr. Aloof and Angry; you’ve got a history, I can tell.”

            “Perhaps. But I think I’d rather keep my hand hidden, particularly around someone who exhibits this many sociopathic tendencies.”

            The group clustered together once again and Dave was grateful for the chance to shrug off the prying troll, allowing Rose and Jade to take over. Already, Jade was berating her with questions about troll culture and how she’d survived for the half year on her own. That should keep her busy.  He rejoined John and Karkat, only to find them deep in conversation.

             “Leave it, Egbert.”

            “Look, I’m just trying to help.”

            “I said leave it! It’s none of your business and it has no relevance to the current situation.”

            “Of course it does! If there’s something between you two, she might be more willing to cooperate, dumbass.”

            “There _was,_ as in past tense. It’s a pretty important distinction if you don’t mind me saying so.”

            Dave chose that moment to cut in, supporting Karkat’s free side and starting toward the car. “What are we talking about, gentleman?”

            “Nothing, Strider. Let it lie.” The response was immediate, and almost at the same time John spoke.

            “Karkat and Terezi used to date!”

            “FUCK YOU, JOHN.” The troll spat, tone dripping with venom.

            He stared through his shades, shocked. “Did you have a death wish? Christ, I wouldn’t go near that girl with a tank, let alone something as precious as my dick.”

            “Wow, where do I even start with that accusation you self satisfied piece of shit? First of all, look at your goddamn matesprit. I don’t think it’s even possible to do worse, nothing personal John. Second; if you’ll believe it, Rez wasn’t always so… batshit. Not that I have to explain anything to you, but some less than stellar stuff went down when we were kids, and I don’t think she ever got over it. So why don’t you do us all a favor here, Strider, and make a concerted effort not to open your mouth when we all know only pointless douchebaggery will fall out?”

            He was tempted, sorely tempted, to strike back but the look on John’s face combined with the fact that they had reached the car restrained him. Without a word, he deposited Karkat in the back seat and slammed the door.

            “Relax, Dave.” And here was John, right on cue to patch things over. “He’s not feeling good, and seeing Terezi kind of threw him for a loop, and I think you touched a nerve. He didn’t mean it though.” Gentle fingers reached up to smooth the frown lines away from his face and that incessant grin coaxed a returning smile against his will.

            “Forget it, m’fine.”

            “You’re not. You’re stressed and worried, I can tell. What’s wrong?”

            The honest truth was that he _was_ worried. Ten more trolls, most if not all of which were dangerous on some level... they weren’t prepared for this. They never should have agreed to help, it was only a matter of time until one of them got hurt, until he failed to step in before it was too late.

            “Nothing, I’m just tired.” He bent slightly to press a swift kiss to his lips, hugging the small frame tight. He stepped away, then, rounding to the driver’s side and climbing in, effectively cutting off any further interrogation on the part of the detective.  


End file.
